An evidence of love’s absorbency will be your ability to listen to your disciple, especially during times of failure in his life.  A person who does not love has a hard time making room in his heart to listen.  Our natural response to someone’s failure is disappointment, which turns to frustration, and finally anger.  Our tendency is to try and “fix” others by instruction.  (If only he would listen to me!) We would be better advised to listen to our disciple at times of their failure rather than just instructing.  To listen intently will give you an understanding of the problem and then at an appropriate time you are able to give right counsel to your disciple.  (Often I ask my disciple to give me 48 hours after our initial conversation so that I can process what he has said to me.)

Listening is a powerful form of love that transforms the life of your disciple.  (This is why I believe prayer is an essential part of spiritual growth.  When I pray God has all the time in the universe to listen to me and his infinite love is able to absorb my rambling, joys, frustration, sin, and failure).  As M. Scott Peck has said: “The principal form that the work of love takes is attention. When we love another we give him or her our attention…by far the most common and important way in which we can exercise our attention is by listening…listening well is an exercise of attention and by necessity hard work.”[1]

Prayer is a gift of love for you to give to your disciple. Telling your disciple that you pray for him is just another way of saying “I love you.” You may not have money, possessions, or position, but all can give the gift of prayer.

In addition to love, prayer for your disciple communicates value to him as you bring his name before the God of the universe for His consideration and blessing.  There is something about someone interceding on our behalf that communicates worth.

Both Jesus and Paul give us the example of a discipler praying for his disciples.  Jesus prays for his disciples throughout his ministry, and we even have one of those prayers recorded for us in John 17.  Paul not only consistently prays for his disciples, but he also regularly tells them that he prays for them and gives them the content of those prayers (e.g., Ephesians 1:15-23).

Most believers will never have the experience of someone daily praying for them.  I know of no better way of loving your disciple than to daily offer up prayers on his behalf.

Here are a couple of things I do:

• I take the prayers of Paul and pray them over my disciple.  (“I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give Nate the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that Nate may know him better  . . .” Ephesians 1:17)

• Periodically I send a text message or email to my disciple to let him know that I prayed for him that morning.

• I keep pictures of my disciples from over the years in a 3 x 5 box and rotate the pictures as a prayer reminder.