Imitating Jesus

There is no simple formula for making disciples.   The Modern Western approach would like for you to think that to mix the right ingredients, at the right time, will result in a disciple.  I am humored at publishers trying to simplify the disciple making process into a step-by-step curriculum.    Disciples are made as a result of the triadic relational interaction between the disciple, discipler, and the Holy Spirit.  These relationships are complex, mysterious, and often risky; this is why many would rather choose a safe, non-relational approach to ministry.  Programs can be done without a relationship, disciple making cannot.

The bond of love between you and your disciple will not only draw you into his failures, but you may find yourself the object of his failure, even as Jesus was the object of Peter’s betrayal.  If Jesus’ disciples brought him pain, what makes me think that my disciples will not hurt me?  If Paul’s disciples brought anxiety and disappointment to his life, what makes me think that I will not experience the same questioning and betrayal?

Forgiveness is the nature of God and therefore an important lesson for your disciple to learn.    A disciple learns how to forgive by being forgiven by his discipler, just as Jesus forgave Peter after his very public failure.  (I can hear Jesus’ critics saying: “What kind of teacher is this Jesus guy anyway?  Look! Even his own disciples have betrayed him!) To lay down your life for your disciple is to open yourself up to hurt, pain, and maybe even public ridicule.

Though we were an enemy of God, he took the initiative in seeking an adoptive relationship with us to become his children.  Paul writes: “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:6-8 Your disciple’s behavior may not deserve your love, but that is beside the point.  Love reaches out to her enemies and to those who betray her.

A couple of closing thoughts:

1. Your forgiveness of your disciple is an opportunity for him to understand the forgiveness and love of God.
2. You are able to forgive your disciple because Jesus paid for his sin on the cross.  (Even his sin against you.)
3. To Parents.  Children are a disciple of their parents.  Your child will fail somewhere along the way and bring you heartache, disappointment, and possibly public shame.  You are to forgive as Jesus forgave Peter.  (Be aware.  Your other children are watching how you handle the failure of their siblings.)

Making disciples requires patience.  Not only is the process slow but your disciple will have setbacks along the way.  Often these failures do not occur until months or even years into the relationship.  I find encouragement in the fact that Peter failed even after spending three years with Jesus.  Here he had received life giving instruction, he had experienced a selfless love, he had belonged to a dynamic community, he had tasted personal ministry successes, and he was an eyewitness to many miracles.  If anyone should have “known better” it was Peter.

A disciple’s failure is not a disruption to disciple making, rather it is a crucial part of the process.  The Holy Spirit puts together perfect circumstances with precise timing in order to test the faith of your disciple.  As Fenelon wrote over 300 years ago:  “God’s way accomplishes His purpose quicker than anything you could think of.  God is able to seek out and destroy the roots of self love.  You, on your own, could never find those hidden roots . . .”[1] A discipler joins the Holy Spirit during these tests to instruct and demonstrate the grace of God in order to strengthen the faith of his disciple.

Rather than disqualifying your disciple, his worst failure serves as a reference point for the grace of God throughout his life.   I doubt the sting of his denial of Jesus ever left Peter.   The grace of God does not erase the memories of our sin rather it uses memories to channel our thoughts and emotions to the love of God.  A disciple’s failure gives him a benchmark of the depth of the mercy God.  No matter how deep his failure the love of God goes even deeper.

It was out of his experience of failure and restoration that Peter could write 30 years later:

“. . . You may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials.  These have come so that your faith . . . may be proved genuine . . .” 1 Peter 1: 6 &7

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[1] Fenelon, Francois The Seeking Heart (Jacksonville: Christian Books Publishing House, 1992) p. 10.

Love has the strength to absorb. This absorbency is seen in Paul’s description of love in 1 Corinthians 13:   “Love is patient, love is kind . . . it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs . . . it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” Jesus was able to absorb the immature behavior of his disciples and even their abandonment on the night of his crucifixion.

An evidence of love’s absorbency will be your ability to listen to your disciple, especially during times of failure in his life.  A person who does not love has a hard time making room in his heart to listen.  Our natural response to someone’s failure is disappointment, which turns to frustration, and finally anger.  Our tendency is to try and “fix” others by instruction.  (If only he would listen to me!) We would be better advised to listen to our disciple at times of their failure rather than just instructing.  To listen intently will give you an understanding of the problem and then at an appropriate time you are able to give right counsel to your disciple.  (Often I ask my disciple to give me 48 hours after our initial conversation so that I can process what he has said to me.)

Listening is a powerful form of love that transforms the life of your disciple.  (This is why I believe prayer is an essential part of spiritual growth.  When I pray God has all the time in the universe to listen to me and his infinite love is able to absorb my rambling, joys, frustration, sin, and failure).  As M. Scott Peck has said: “The principal form that the work of love takes is attention. When we love another we give him or her our attention…by far the most common and important way in which we can exercise our attention is by listening…listening well is an exercise of attention and by necessity hard work.”[1]

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[1] Peck, M. Scott “The Road Less Traveled” (Austin: Touchstone Publishing, 1998)

One of the first things to do as a discipler is to stabilize your disciple.  When someone is insecure because of rejection, loneliness, shame, or detachment, not only does his mind not think clearly, he can be irrational.  (A simple illustration of this was your inability to concentrate for a test or to make good choices after your college girlfriend broke up with you.)  What brings an inner steadiness to your disciple is an understanding of God’s love.  Paul writes of this stability in Ephesians 4 “. . . being rooted and established in love. . .” Later Paul connects love and right thinking in Philippians: “And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ. . .” (This is not a quick process and usually takes months.)

I begin the relationship by asking my disciple to share his story so that I can listen for the points of suffering, rejection, voids, hurt, and disappointments in his life.  His life stories give me insight into his inner man and God’s approach in his life.  It is at these points of suffering that I introduce him to the sovereignty of God. The sovereignty of God is made of up of three strands:

• God’s Power- God’s power means God is able to do anything that is in harmony with His wise and holy and perfect nature.
• God’s Wisdom- God’s wisdom means that God always chooses the best purpose and the best means to that purpose.

• God’s Love- God’s love means that God eternally gives of Himself to others.  (This definition understands love as self-giving for the benefit of others.)

Stories are powerful conveyers of truth.  I refer to the life stories of biblical characters to illustrate the Lord’s sovereignty in the life of his children. (e.g.  Joseph, Moses, Ruth, Esther, David, Daniel, Elizabeth, Mary, etc.)  Disciples relate differently to different biblical characters, so we explore the various characters until we find one that resonates with him.

Creating an environment where affection is natural and meaningful is an essential component of the discipling process.  Not only is physical affection necessary between the discipler and his disciple, but it is also important for your disciples to be affectionate with one another.  As affection is a natural expression of love in a healthy family, so it should be among the children of God.

Four times the apostle Paul exhorts his disciples to be physically affectionate with one another by “Greeting one another with a holy kiss.”  (Romans 16:16; 1 Corinthians 16:20; 2 Corinthians 13:12; 1 Thessalonians 5:26) Robert Banks explains the significant role of affection among believers in his work “Paul’s Idea of Community”.  He argues: “Two final physical expressions of fellowship remain.  ‘Greet all the brethren with a holy kiss.’ Paul says to his first converts in Thessalonica and to the recipients of his letters in Corinth and Rome.  To interpret this action as merely a formal or secondary procedure would be to underestimate its importance.  Not as significant as baptism and the Lord’s Supper, it does, like the laying on of hands, play an important role in early Christian communal life.  By means of this action the bond between each member of the church was given real, not merely symbolic, expression.”[1]

Luke’s writing gives us a glimpse into the freedom that Paul’s disciples had in expressing their affection with him.  ”When he (Paul) had said this, he knelt down with all of them and prayed. They all wept as they embraced him and kissed him.” Acts 20:36-37. Although our culture may be uncomfortable in expressing affection with a kiss, I do believe that our affection needs to go beyond a handshake; even strangers will exchange a handshake.

A mark of spiritual maturing in the life of a disciple is an ease of giving and receiving affection.  Awkwardness with affection could be an indicator of a deeper issue in the life of the disciple. It is also important for the discipler to monitor the affection between group members because it is an indicator how well the disciples are relating with one another.  It is difficult for a disciple to be affectionate with someone with whom he is disappointed or at odds.

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[1] Banks, Robert, “Paul’s Idea of Community”, (Peabody: Hendrickson Publishers, Inc., 1994), p.85.

The fears that your disciple is being forced to face is an indicator of where the Lord is at work in his life. One cannot follow Jesus and fear. Jesus confronted the fear in the hearts of his own men by leading them directly into their fears. One day a lake storm came up while he was asleep in the boat; he was frantically awakened by his disciples who were afraid for their lives. He was amazed at their lack of faith, for all fear is the consequence of a void of faith (Matthew 8:24). Even today, as a man seeks to follow Jesus, the Holy Spirit will lead him into his deepest fears in order for him to face and root out those fears.

When your disciple faces his fear it can have an adverse affect on his attitude and behavior. People respond to fear differently, some lash out (possibly at you!), some withdraw, and others self-medicate. During these times of fear it is not only an opportunity for you to teach your disciple the power and love of God, it is also an important time for you to affirm your own love for him.

Here are a couple of suggestions as you walk your disciple through his fears:

1. Pray for the faith of your disciple, that it will remain strong.
• Luke 22:31-32 “Jesus said, ‘Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.’”
• 1 Thess 3:10 “Night and day we pray most earnestly that we may see you again and supply what is lacking in your faith.”
2. Do not project you own fears on your disciple, nor minimize the object of their fear. We do not all fear the same things.
3. Love and fear are incompatible. Clearly communicate both God’s love for your disciple, as well as your own.
• 1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

There will be times when your disciple’s behavior may be unexplainable or erratic. Often the reason for this behavior will even be a mystery to your disciple; he might be doing what he does not want to do or not doing what he does want to do. The role of a discipler is to help the disciple discern what is going on in his inner man and to teach him the ways of God with His children.

One reason for unexplainable behavior is a log jam of mental, spiritual, and spiritual energies which are not utilized by the disciple as the Lord intended. Each disciple has been given gifts by the Holy Spirit designed to be used for the kingdom of God. Some are gifted as teachers, leaders, artists, musicians, servants, while others may write, teach children, build, or organize. This log jam of unused gifts causes a mounting pressure in the inner man that result in disruptive behavior and attitudes: depression, anger, fear, sexual sin, addictions, eating disorders, materialism, etc. In contrast, a disciple finds fulfillment and joy when he has an outlet for his gifts and abilities.

Although I cannot go into all the different log jams here, I will give a couple of examples. Jake was gifted with compassion. This gift made Jake aware of the needs of others and equipped him with a reservoir of love to share with others. Yet because he had not been taught what to do with this compassion he “stuffed” it rather than extending it to others. Jake then would self medicate with alcohol and drugs to cope with the hurt he saw around him and deaden the pain of not having an outlet for his compassion.

Cliff was gifted with an extraordinary intellect. His mind was always asking questions, seeing contradictions, and on a search for truth. Cliff would become caught in a frustrating loop of unanswered questions. He wondered what was wrong with him.

Here are a couple ideas I have used to help my disciple with log jams:

1. Examine together with your disciple the ways of God with His men and women in the Scriptures. The path of a disciple is the way of faith. Joseph, David, Ruth, and Mary are some of the Biblical characters who serve as guides for your disciple in the life of faith.
2. Ask your disciple what was the most fulfilling thing he has ever done or experienced and why. This question will help your disciple identify a time when he was utilizing his gifts as the Holy Spirit intended.
3. Introduce your disciple to biographies of men and women of God who can serve as a role model for your disciple. Whether your disciple is a business woman or is preparing to be a missionary in India, there are lives through biographies that can serve as their guide. Biographies are especially helpful when a disciple is not like the discipler in gifting, or passions. Together you and your disciple can embark on a journey to find a role model for them, either living or through a biography.
4. Expose your disciple to theological works, especially for those who are teachers and have an inquisitive mind. It is important not to give up until you and your disciple find a match to help with his intellectual questions. An author who worked for you may not relate to your disciple. Join your disciple in the pursuit of heart and mind that helps your disciple find answers and channels their mental energy.
5. Set up a meeting with between your disciple and other disciples who have similar experiences or gifting. As a discipler, it is important to remain humble as there will be others who may be a better help for your disciple than you can be.

This process may take time and some experimentation to find which people and writers will be a fit with your disciple.

The most common question I am asked about making disciples is “what curriculum do you use?”

Rather than following a curriculum, I team with the disciple to unearth the ways of God throughout his/her life. Each believer’s relationship with their Heavenly Father is unique, unlike any other child’s-past, present or future. The Lord personalizes the relationship by placing a distinguishing spiritual birthmark on each child through suffering.

Smasher was my brother’s English bulldog. Bulldogs do or don’t do whatever they like. Smasher did not like swallowing pills. It was an exercise in futility to try and get pills into his locked jaws. In making disciples I have wasted time and energy trying to convince people to swallow spiritual truths prematurely. Suffering is the instrument of God to open up a disciple’s heart to learn the ways, truth and nature of God.

Sufferings in the life of my disciple are the signposts of where and how the Holy Spirit is making that disciple into a follower of Jesus. My responsibility is to guide my disciple to view all the circumstances of his/her past through the lens of the sovereignty of God and His purposes.

The suffering in one’s life is the evidence of God’s work from childhood through adulthood. As I get to know my disciple I am looking for the points of suffering throughout their entire life. These then serve as markers which when connected provides a picture (or life-map) of God’s eternal purpose for that disciple’s life.