Family and Making Disciples

In the movie “The Sound of Music” the widowed Captain von Trapp tries to run his family like he ran the Navy, with dire consequences. Although the Captain loved his children and the children loved their father, his organizational structures placed unnatural barriers between the Captain and his children. The nature of a family is unlike that of an organization and so the two function differently from one another.

The apostle Paul presents the church (ekklesia) as the “family” or “household” of God and yet our approach to church has been as if it is an organization (1 Timothy 3:14-15). We begin a church with a constitution, by laws, church government and then institute programs to run the church, which are both organizational in nature but foreign to any family. Ekklesia is based on the family essence of the Trinity; God the Father, His Son Jesus and the Holy Spirit. We have been adopted into the family of God as sons and daughters so it only makes sense that we should function as family on earth as we will in heaven for eternity (Romans 8:15; Galatians 4:6-7).

In Philippians 2:22 we get a glimpse into Paul’s approach to disciple making with his disciple Timothy. Here Paul writes of the father-son relationship which he had with Timothy – again a family relationship. Just as children were not meant to be raised by an organization so disciples are best made in the context of a spiritual family. One reason why Christianity has struggled to make disciples is because we have approached disciple making with programs rather than as a family. Can an organization empower and develop its people? Certainly. But, there is a marked difference between how an organization develops its people and how a parent loves his child.

From Log Jams to Making Disciples

There will be times when your disciple’s behavior may be unexplainable or erratic. Often the reason for this behavior will even be a mystery to your disciple; he might be doing what he does not want to do or not doing what he does want to do. The role of a discipler is to help the disciple discern what is going on in his inner man and to teach him the ways of God with His children.

One reason for unexplainable behavior is a log jam of mental, spiritual, and spiritual energies which are not utilized by the disciple as the Lord intended. Each disciple has been given gifts by the Holy Spirit designed to be used for the kingdom of God. Some are gifted as teachers, leaders, artists, musicians, servants, while others may write, teach children, build, or organize. This log jam of unused gifts causes a mounting pressure in the inner man that result in disruptive behavior and attitudes: depression, anger, fear, sexual sin, addictions, eating disorders, materialism, etc. In contrast, a disciple finds fulfillment and joy when he has an outlet for his gifts and abilities.

Although I cannot go into all the different log jams here, I will give a couple of examples. Jake was gifted with compassion. This gift made Jake aware of the needs of others and equipped him with a reservoir of love to share with others. Yet because he had not been taught what to do with this compassion he “stuffed” it rather than extending it to others. Jake then would self medicate with alcohol and drugs to cope with the hurt he saw around him and deaden the pain of not having an outlet for his compassion.

Cliff was gifted with an extraordinary intellect. His mind was always asking questions, seeing contradictions, and on a search for truth. Cliff would become caught in a frustrating loop of unanswered questions. He wondered what was wrong with him.

Here are a couple ideas I have used to help my disciple with log jams:

  1. Examine together with your disciple the ways of God with His men and women in the Scriptures. The path of a disciple is the way of faith. Joseph, David, Ruth, and Mary are some of the Biblical characters who serve as guides for your disciple in the life of faith.
  2. Ask your disciple what was the most fulfilling thing he has ever done or experienced and why. This question will help your disciple identify a time when he was utilizing his gifts as the Holy Spirit intended.
  3. Introduce your disciple to biographies of men and women of God who can serve as a role model for your disciple. Whether your disciple is a business woman or is preparing to be a missionary in India, there are lives through biographies that can serve as their guide. Biographies are especially helpful when a disciple is not like the discipler in gifting, or passions. Together you and your disciple can embark on a journey to find a role model for them, either living or through a biography.
  4. Expose your disciple to theological works, especially for those who are teachers and have an inquisitive mind. It is important not to give up until you and your disciple find a match to help with his intellectual questions. An author who worked for you may not relate to your disciple. Join your disciple in the pursuit of heart and mind that helps your disciple find answers and channels their mental energy.
  5. Set up a meeting with between your disciple and other disciples who have similar experiences or gifting. As a discipler, it is important to remain humble as there will be others who may be a better help for your disciple than you can be.

This process may take time and some experimentation to find which people and writers will be a fit with your disciple.

Cultivating a Community Who Love One Another

Group leaders become frustrated when they are unable to cultivate a community that truly loves one another. Often the reason for this frustration is that the leader has put the cart before the horse. He/she has placed their energies on creating a community through the weekly meeting time rather than individually discipling the group members.

Christian small group leaders have been trained to build their community through the couple hours of “group time” that the members are together each week. I argue that the community’s environment is a result of the leader’s discipling of the members outside of the group time. As the orchestra’s concert is the consummation of lessons, private practice and rehearsals so the group dynamic is the expression of the discipler’s individual investment in his/her disciples. One cannot expect people who have not been discipled to behave like disciples in community.

First Things First

My name is Lewie Clark, and I have been in ministry for 28 years. As a young man I was discipled to be a follower of Jesus by a man named Taylor Gardner. The process of being discipled was life changing. After pastoring for a number of years I moved to Chicago in 2005 to begin ministry from “scratch.”

I am neither a writer nor a blogger, but several friends have asked me to journal our experiences. There are fifteen of us here in Chicago learning together what it means to build a community of followers of Jesus. Together we will periodically share with you the story of our journey.

First Things First

The great commission is to make followers of Jesus, not to plant churches.

My objective in moving to Chicago was to make followers of Jesus rather than plant a church. My conviction is that the by-product of making followers of Jesus is an authentic kingdom community.

Many church planting methods place the cart before the horse. One plants a church (meaning, one recruits a pastor, chooses a target group, decides on a name, writes a mission statement, creates a constitution with by-laws, and files for tax exemption) in order to reach people with the good news of Jesus. The church planting process is cumbersome, expensive, and therefore prohibitive. Although I do not question the motives of church planting I simply ask the question, “Is there a better way?”

It was C. S. Lewis who said, “Put first things first and we get second things thrown in; put second things first and we lose both first and second things.” When one makes disciples first it will result in kingdom communities of faith and love. But when one plants churches first there is the danger of not only not making followers of Jesus but also of setting the church start up for failure.

We are only allowing our Chicago community to grow at the rate that we can effectively make disciples. Years ago Robert Coleman exhorted the church:

One can not transform a world except as individuals in the world are transformed, and individuals cannot be changed except as they are molded in the hands of the Master. The necessity is apparent not only to select a few laymen, but to keep the group small enough to be able to work effectively with them.  [1]

I believe that Chicago and the world can be changed through our one small band of followers of Jesus.


[1] Robert E. Coleman, The Master Plan of Evangelism, (Old Tappan: Fleming H. Revell Co., 1963) p. 24.