Family and Making Disciples 4 – Leadership

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The types of leaders that are necessary to begin and sustain a multiplication of the kingdom of God are Godly moms and dads. The instruction, encouragement, kindness, time and sacrificial love that go into raising Godly children are the same necessary ingredients to make followers of Jesus. Paul reveals his own parental approach to disciple making in 1 Thessalonians 2:11-12 where he writes: “For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into his kingdom and glory.”

Yet, sadly, the same parents who have raised Godly children feel inadequate to make disciples of Jesus because Christianity has made discipling an educational method through curriculum, classrooms, and certification rather than a family relationship. I believe that the church has passed over kingdom leaders because they were not perceived as qualified, even though they have raised Godly children. I am now challenging parents to help advance the kingdom of God by making followers of Jesus in the same way that they raised their children.

The church (ekklesia) is made up of the children of God, and so it only seems consistent that we would function as a family on earth. Families cannot be run as an organization, and yet Christianity approaches the church as an organization as seen in the way it recruits and trains its leaders. The starting point for recruiting church leaders are with men with post-graduate degrees from religious education institutions The seminaries instruct their students in theology and church leadership, but how much preparation do these students have in how to be a good husband, wife, or parent?

I attended a pastor’s conference where business and military leaders challenged us to take the leadership principles from their organizations and apply them to our churches. One pastor said that the same leadership training he was giving us he also used to help businesses. This is not to say that there is no authority, structure, or accountability in the church; healthy families have all these things. I also am not suggesting that a leader of a business cannot be an effective leader in the church, or that pastors do not have helpful insights for the business world, but there is a marked difference between how a business and a family functions.

Here are a couple of action points I am working on:

  1. I am rereading the New Testament with the lens of viewing the church (ekklesia) as the “family of God.”
  2. I am recruiting Godly dads and moms, who could never imagine themselves making disciples or as kingdom leaders, to disciple others in the same way they raised their own children.
  3. I am interviewing Godly moms and dads for insights into how they raised their children and applying it to how I can disciple others.

Family and Making Disciples 3 – Multiplication

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The church (ekklesia) is a family and is to be led as a family. When the apostle Paul was looking for men to lead the church, he looked for men who were good husbands and dads. Paul understood the family essence of the church and that the same principles that build a healthy family are the same values that will multiply the kingdom of God. He writes: “He (the overseer) must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him with proper respect. (If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church (ekklesia)?)“ (1 Timothy 3:3-6)

Multiplication in a family is a natural and anticipated result. Good parents create an environment that is not only safe for the child but also one that moves the child onto maturity. Parents understand that the maturing process takes time but it is balanced with the expectation that someday this child is to leave their home to raise his own family. There is something unnatural about a 27 year old still living at home.

Jesus used the example of yeast and a seed to illustrate the multiplication nature of the kingdom of God. Jesus said: “I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life” (John 12:23-25). The multiplication principle of “death brings life” was taught and demonstrated by both Jesus and Paul through the love sacrifice of their own lives for others. Paul writes to the disciples in Thessalonica: “…but we were gentle among you, like a mother caring for her little children. We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us. Surely you remember, brothers, our toil and hardship; we worked night and day in order not to be a burden to anyone while we preached the gospel of God to you” (1 Thess 2:7-9).

The marked difference between how parents approach their children and an organization their members is sacrificial love. Just as a child learns love through the daily sacrifices his parents make for him, so the love of God is taught by the believers laying down their lives for other believers. We demonstrate to the world the love of God when we, as the family of God, lay down our lives for one another. The disciple John wrote: “This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us“ (1 John 4:9-12). This is why the church is to function as a family and not an organization.

Family and Making Disciples 2 – The Church: God’s Family

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How I view God and His church (ekklesia) affects how I see myself, how I relate to others and how I relate to God. For all eternity, God is a Father, and Jesus is a Son. Therefore, family is an eternal concept based on the nature of God. The idea of family is not confined to man’s time on earth. As long as there has been God, there has been family and as long as there will be God, there will be family.

God the Father behaves like a father because he is a father. God’s father-heart moved Him to adopt us into His family even at the cost of the sacrifice of His own Son. Because of this adoption Jesus relates to us as our brother. The author of Hebrews tells us that: “Both the one who makes men holy and those who are made holy are of the same family. So Jesus is not ashamed to call them brothers. He says, ‘I will declare your name to my brothers; in the presence of the congregation I will sing your praises.’ For this reason he (Jesus) had to be made like his brothers in every way, in order that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in service to God, and that he might make atonement for the sins of the people” (Hebrews 2:11-17). My relationship to God is both as a child with his father and as a brother with a brother.

The apostle Paul views ekklesia as God’s family. In 1 Timothy 3:14-15 he writes: “…so that, if I am delayed, you will know how people ought to conduct themselves in God’s household, which is the church (ekklesia) of the living God, the pillar and foundation of the truth.” In Paul’s writings, his language of choice for what we would call “Christian(s)” is familiar language. He uses the word “brother(s)” 129 times – in contrast to his use of the word “saints” 29 times, and the word “believer(s)” 11 times. Paul never uses the term “Christian” or “disciple.”

Paul’s understanding of the Father nature of God and that the ekklesia is the family of God directed the way he ministered to others. In the city of Thessalonica Paul was like a mother and father to the disciples. He writes: “But we were gentle among you, like a mother caring for her little children. We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us…for you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into his kingdom and glory” (1 Thessalonians 2:7-12).

Making followers of Jesus cannot be separated from the family nature of God. As God the Father loved Jesus, and Jesus loved us, so in the same familiar manner we are to love one another. A parental sacrificial love for others is the catalytic force that will produce disciples of Jesus and advance the kingdom of God.

Family and Making Disciples

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In the movie “The Sound of Music” the widowed Captain von Trapp tries to run his family like he ran the Navy, with dire consequences. Although the Captain loved his children and the children loved their father, his organizational structures placed unnatural barriers between the Captain and his children. The nature of a family is unlike that of an organization and so the two function differently from one another.

The apostle Paul presents the church (ekklesia) as the “family” or “household” of God and yet our approach to church has been as if it is an organization (1 Timothy 3:14-15). We begin a church with a constitution, by laws, church government and then institute programs to run the church, which are both organizational in nature but foreign to any family. Ekklesia is based on the family essence of the Trinity; God the Father, His Son Jesus and the Holy Spirit. We have been adopted into the family of God as sons and daughters so it only makes sense that we should function as family on earth as we will in heaven for eternity (Romans 8:15; Galatians 4:6-7).

In Philippians 2:22 we get a glimpse into Paul’s approach to disciple making with his disciple Timothy. Here Paul writes of the father-son relationship which he had with Timothy – again a family relationship. Just as children were not meant to be raised by an organization so disciples are best made in the context of a spiritual family. One reason why Christianity has struggled to make disciples is because we have approached disciple making with programs rather than as a family. Can an organization empower and develop its people? Certainly. But, there is a marked difference between how an organization develops its people and how a parent loves his child.

Learning Disabilities and Making Disciples of Jesus

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When I find myself frustrated in a discipling relationship it serves as a warning for me that I, as the discipler, am missing something significant in the life of my disciple.

Chad is a good example of this frustration. Chad had come to me to be discipled. He was a likeable guy, but he brought frustration into his relationships with his wife, friends, and employer. Soon into our own relationship I also found myself becoming frustrated with Chad’s attitude and behavior. We all saw Chad as a leader, but he was one of those gifted people who was wasting his talents and intelligence. I later discovered that we were not the only ones frustrated with Chad, but that he was also frustrated with himself. His spiritual life was stagnant and he felt distant from God.

I made a commitment to Chad that I was not going to give up on him but to join with him to find a breakthrough. A few weeks into the relationship I discovered what only Chad and his wife knew, that he had a learning disability. One day Chad told me, “Lewie, do you know what it is like to feel dumb everyday of your life?” Although Chad had a high IQ, both his education and Christian experience had made him feel dumb.

Christianity has made God inaccessible to people with a learning disability. Their impression from the church is that Bible reading, Bible study, sermons, reading Christian books are all important ways to connect to God, but because they have a difficult time reading they feel alienated from God.

People with learning disabilities usually hate school and yet their first exposure to Christianity is Sunday School. Chad would leave his Bible or study book at home so that he would not be asked to read in the class. Chad would visit a Bible study and if the teacher would ask someone to read a passage out loud, he would never return out of fear that someday the teacher may call on him to read.

I have now walked through the discipling process with four men who have a learning disability. Here are insights and suggestions that have come out of that experience:

  1. A relationship with Jesus is not based on one’s reading ability, no more than my relationship with my family or friends is based on my reading ability.
  2. People with learning disabilities are around you. They are often intelligent and articulate, and they are smart enough to know how to hide their disability.
  3. Have your disciple listen to the Bible on IPod or C.D.
  4. Discuss a passage of scripture together with your disciple rather than the traditional Bible study approach. (I have found that people with learning disabilities often have keen Biblical insight.)
  5. Read short passages from a Christian book with your disciple and then discuss it together.
  6. A learning disability does not limit the work or glory of God through the disciple. Discover the unique gifting of your disciple and together establish avenues for him to use his gifts.
  7. Find someone who does adult testing for those with learning disabilities. Chad and the other three guys were all tested by a specialist in learning disabilities. The test not only revealed their disability but also uncovered their strengths!
  8. People with learning disabilities tend to be relational and are great at making disciples of Jesus.

From Log Jams to Making Disciples

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There will be times when your disciple’s behavior may be unexplainable or erratic. Often the reason for this behavior will even be a mystery to your disciple; he might be doing what he does not want to do or not doing what he does want to do. The role of a discipler is to help the disciple discern what is going on in his inner man and to teach him the ways of God with His children.

One reason for unexplainable behavior is a log jam of mental, spiritual, and spiritual energies which are not utilized by the disciple as the Lord intended. Each disciple has been given gifts by the Holy Spirit designed to be used for the kingdom of God. Some are gifted as teachers, leaders, artists, musicians, servants, while others may write, teach children, build, or organize. This log jam of unused gifts causes a mounting pressure in the inner man that result in disruptive behavior and attitudes: depression, anger, fear, sexual sin, addictions, eating disorders, materialism, etc. In contrast, a disciple finds fulfillment and joy when he has an outlet for his gifts and abilities.

Although I cannot go into all the different log jams here, I will give a couple of examples. Jake was gifted with compassion. This gift made Jake aware of the needs of others and equipped him with a reservoir of love to share with others. Yet because he had not been taught what to do with this compassion he “stuffed” it rather than extending it to others. Jake then would self medicate with alcohol and drugs to cope with the hurt he saw around him and deaden the pain of not having an outlet for his compassion.

Cliff was gifted with an extraordinary intellect. His mind was always asking questions, seeing contradictions, and on a search for truth. Cliff would become caught in a frustrating loop of unanswered questions. He wondered what was wrong with him.

Here are a couple ideas I have used to help my disciple with log jams:

  1. Examine together with your disciple the ways of God with His men and women in the Scriptures. The path of a disciple is the way of faith. Joseph, David, Ruth, and Mary are some of the Biblical characters who serve as guides for your disciple in the life of faith.
  2. Ask your disciple what was the most fulfilling thing he has ever done or experienced and why. This question will help your disciple identify a time when he was utilizing his gifts as the Holy Spirit intended.
  3. Introduce your disciple to biographies of men and women of God who can serve as a role model for your disciple. Whether your disciple is a business woman or is preparing to be a missionary in India, there are lives through biographies that can serve as their guide. Biographies are especially helpful when a disciple is not like the discipler in gifting, or passions. Together you and your disciple can embark on a journey to find a role model for them, either living or through a biography.
  4. Expose your disciple to theological works, especially for those who are teachers and have an inquisitive mind. It is important not to give up until you and your disciple find a match to help with his intellectual questions. An author who worked for you may not relate to your disciple. Join your disciple in the pursuit of heart and mind that helps your disciple find answers and channels their mental energy.
  5. Set up a meeting with between your disciple and other disciples who have similar experiences or gifting. As a discipler, it is important to remain humble as there will be others who may be a better help for your disciple than you can be.

This process may take time and some experimentation to find which people and writers will be a fit with your disciple.

Making Disciples by Listening

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A Discipler Listens Because He Loves

Paul Tillich writes, “The first duty of love is to listen,” and yet how rare it is to have anyone listen to us, even in a movement that is supposed to be marked by love. Ministries spend thousands of dollars and work long hours trying to convince people to listen to them. Our seminaries, colleges, and churches teach how to preach, teach and lead, but not how to listen. The challenge of listening is that it requires a relationship, whereas preaching, teaching, and programs can be done in various non-personal ways. Jesus and Paul both serve as role models of how kingdom ministry should be done relationally. Jesus lived among His followers for thirty months and called them His friends. Paul loved the disciples at Thessalonica so much that he shared not only the gospel with them but his life as well (1 Thessalonians 2:8).

Teach Your Disciple How to Listen

Listening is one of the first skills in teaching someone how to make disciples. Listening to my disciple’s life story is important because I am searching for the work of God throughout his life. Even childhood events are significant because from conception God prepares each of His children for their eternal purpose. My aim in listening is to join in the Lord’s purpose for my disciple’s life and not to try and fit that disciple into my ministry agenda.

Teach Your Disciple How to be Listened to

Most children of God have not had anyone to help them interpret the experiences of their life. Although they may have had family or friends who have listened, they have not had anyone with the spiritual insight to help them see the Lord’s purpose in the circumstances throughout their life. Often a person will be intimidated to have someone genuinely listen to them for the first time. It is not unusual for it to take months for trust to be built between the discipler and disciple. How I teach my disciple to be listened to is by asking questions and then giving them plenty of time to answer. It is important for both the discipler and the disciple to be comfortable in silence. It is in the silence that the disciple can formulate his answers as well as work up the courage to give the answer. Often the disciple will know the answer to the question but needs time to muster up the courage to give the answer.

Here are ways I listen to my disciple:

  1. Draw a timeline of the disciple’s life.The timeline helps the disciple remember events and helps the discipler keep the story in order.
  2. After constructing the timeline, I ask for one week to consider the timeline in order to pray through the life events of the disciple and look for the work of God throughout their life.
  3. Look for what has not been said. There may be topics that should be present but that are conspicuous by the absence. For example, if a disciple says a lot about their mom but hardly mentions his dad that may indicate a problem with his relationship with his father.
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The Training of the Twelve

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I would like to begin with a question: At the ascension of Jesus were His twelve disciples adequately prepared to fulfill their kingdom mission?

It is interesting to me that when Christianity starts a new church or wrestles with a ministry question, we usually turn to the book of Acts and the Epistles often overlooking the four Gospels. Yet it is in the books of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John that we find the account of Jesus training His twelve disciples to advance the kingdom of God. This is not to say that the other New Testament books do not contain essential truth for us today, but it is in the Gospels that we learn what it means to be a follower of Jesus and where Jesus demonstrates for us how to make followers of Jesus.

Church planters and missionaries have studied and restudied the book of Acts and the Epistles to learn how to start and build churches in order to reach their communities with the good news of Jesus. What I propose is that we broaden our study with a fresh look at the gospels as a guide to kingdom ministry today.

The answer to my original question I believe is yes. Jesus trained his men perfectly, and they were prepared to fulfill the mission entrusted to them in a complex pagan Roman world. The disciples did not wait around for 10 years for Paul to show up and give them further direction for the advancement of the kingdom.

Here are a couple of action points I am pursuing:

  1. We should study the four Gospels for what Jesus taught, how He trained and how He did ministry.
  2. If I could interview any of the twelve disciples, what would their counsel be for me for ministry based on their training from Jesus as seen in the Gospels?
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Paul’s Discipling Team

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People doing ministry today often minister alone, in contrast to Paul who ministered within a team throughout his life. He was constantly on the lookout for disciples to be on his team. In Lystra Paul meets a young disciple named Timothy and recruits him to travel with him, forming relationship that lasted over 17 years. Two years later Paul comes across a married couple named Priscilla and Aquila. He taught and equipped them for kingdom ministry that resulted in a far reaching impact.

Paul had a team of twelve who ministered with him over his 30 year ministry. I hesitate to call them a traveling team because they would often minister in one location for months or years at a time, and yet they did, like Paul, minister in various locations during their lifetime. The team included Jews, Gentiles, one married couple and a deserter who left Paul after 7 years of ministry together.  We have no evidence that the twelve were ever together at one time, nor can we be sure that they all had even met one another.

The core of Paul’s team was made up of Titus, Timothy and Luke. Titus was with Paul for 19 years, while Timothy and Luke were each with him for 17 years. The rest of the twelve were Aristarchus, Demas, Erastus, Mark, Silas, Trophimus, Tychicus, Priscilla and Aquila. The average amount of time these team members were associated with Paul was 9 ½ years.

Here are some of the reasons why Paul ministered from a team:

  1. A team provides spiritual, emotional and physical help as well as accountability.
  2. A team provides a variety of spiritual gifts. Paul knew his strengths and was aware of his weaknesses. Paul surrounded himself with men and women who would compliment his ministry.
  3. A team provides ministry options. Paul was able to send his team members to other cities when a need presented itself.
  4. A team provides an opportunity to love and serve others. The interpersonal relationships of the team members provide a picture of the good news of Jesus to the world.

Here is what I tell the men and women I disciple about forming a team:

  1. Do not approach ministry alone even as a married couple. 
  2. Pray for team members. Ask the Lord to lead you to the individuals or couples with whom you can make followers of Jesus.
  3. Ask this question: Whom would I love being with on a ministry team? With whom do I have a like heart and mind about the kingdom of God and ministry?
  4. Do not be afraid to ask someone or a married couple to consider ministering on a team with you. Team ministry is a new concept in the 21st century, and you will have to guide people into a team approach.
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Making Disciples as a Team

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Christianity is struggling in Chicago. Evangelicalism has spent thousands of dollars on advertising, church planting, and evangelistic outreach with disappointing results. Although the gospel is powerful, I wonder if we are hindered by our method. Christianity continues to approach Chicago as it has always done with church planters and missionaries working as “Lone Rangers,” even though we have the example of Jesus building and ministering from a team. Training His men, Jesus used fishing as a picture for making disciples. We envision a lone person with a rod and reel, while in the first century, fishing was a group effort netting multiple fish. It was no accident that Jesus wanted fishermen on His team.

The Holy Spirit gives each person an ability that works in harmony with the other team members. In our own community Jeremy is the energy behind us serving one another. Ryan and Abbie remind us of the lost people around us while Dan keeps us authentic. Prayer is Maureen’s passion, Randall leads us to give, Leah keeps us in the word, and Rachel has a hug for everyone. It is living in community that we have learned how to work together and how to love a variety of personalities. Unity is a choice that requires humility and hard work to keep a sure grip on the net.

The basis for this team approach is found in the nature of God. God is made up of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. They exist in harmony, and out of their relationship flows an infinite love to the world through the cross of Jesus. A discipling team is a picture of God to the world by their love for one another as John describes in 1 John 4:12: “No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.” The team embodies our message.

Our mission is no more difficult than the Roman world of Jesus. As He faced the challenge by forming a team, so we also should form teams believing that our unity is the point of engagement with our culture. Our unity is how Chicago will be convinced that the Father has sent Jesus into the world. “May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me” (John 17:23).

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