When Your Disciple Dramatically Fails #1

Posted on June 14, 2010 by Lewie Clark

You should not be surprised if or when your disciple dramatically fails. An intense test of a disciple’s faith is part of the disciple making process and personal failure is an element of that trial. Your proper response to his failure is important.

In Peter’s case the test came on his last night with Jesus after having been with him for nearly three years. Peter had a misplaced confidence in himself boldly stating that he would go to prison with Jesus or even die with him. People often underestimate the fault lines in their character as they overestimate the strong points of their personality. Little did Peter realize on that very night he would experience the shame of his greatest failure.

Jesus had warned Peter:

“Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.” But he replied, “Lord, I am ready to go with you to prison and to death.” Jesus answered, “I tell you, Peter, before the rooster crows today, you will deny three times that you know me.” (Luke 22:31-34)

Not only was Peter warned by Jesus about when the test would take place but he was also told how he would fail and still Peter walked right into the trap without realizing what he was doing until it was all over.

Jesus demonstrates with Peter how a discipler should extend grace and love to those who fail and betray. Personal failure provides an opportunity for the discipler to instruct and demonstrate for his disciple the mercy, acceptance, and love of God.

A couple of observations:

A momentary lapse in a disciple’s faith does not remove him from God’s faithfulness.
A disciple’s failure may be his rite of passage to kingdom ministry.
A disciple’s failure is not a reflection on you as a discipler, but your response to his failure is a test of your understanding of how to extend the love, forgiveness, and gospel of Jesus.

Generational Love

Posted on June 6, 2010 by Lewie Clark

Lois Synder died this year, she was 96. Mrs. Synder taught my 2^nd grade Sunday school class and directed our Christmas pageant each year at the Christian Fellowship Church. I attended her memorial service with my mom and dad in the same auditorium where in 1952 Lois had decided to follow Jesus. When the Synder family walked into the service that afternoon I was moved. Before us stood 3 generations who follow Jesus nearly 60 years after Lois’ conversion.

In the service family and friends shared their memories of Lois. It was in these stories that we discovered the reason why her family still follows Jesus today: Lois loved well. She so loved her children and grandchildren in their formative years that this love overflowed to her great grandchildren. Not only did Lois love her family, but each week she would load her car with teaching materials and go share the gospel with children living in the inner-city.

Lois’ seemingly endless ability to love others flowed from her understanding of God’s love for her grounded in the cross of Jesus. God’s love for me will not be found in my circumstances, my heritage, my abilities, or my position, rather it is anchored in the truth that Jesus died for me. “. . . God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8

God shows me how to love others in Jesus’ death for me. John writes: “This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. 1 John 3:16-17” Once I begin to grasp the depth of God’s love for me, I am then able to love others in sacrificing my life for them. It will cost me to love my mate, my children, my friends, and my disciples.

How silly a question it would seem if we could ask Lois today, “Was it worth it?” I can only imagine the joy in her heart in seeing 3 generations loving God and loving one another.

Measuring Results by Generations

Posted on June 1, 2010 by Lewie Clark

“Begin with the end in mind”[1], so says Stephen Covey. The end objective determines not only how I do something but also how long I will do it. To make a disciple of Jesus requires a loving relationship over an extended period of time. Disciple making thinks in terms of the impact that my life will have on the generations to come rather than just on immediate results.

A generational perspective comes from God. He instructed the Israelites to not only train their own children but also their grandchildren (Deuteronomy 4:9). In other words, an Israelite was expected to train children throughout his entire life. The Lord also warns the Israelites that their sin would cast a long family shadow darkening generations to come. Their behavior today would affect their children, their grandchildren, their great grandchildren, and even their great great grandchildren (Exodus 34:7).

In contrast, much of Christianity today values rapid multiplication and instantaneous movements. We view a rapid growing church as being blest by God. The faster the growth, the larger the numbers, the more blest by God, or so the reasoning goes. The 3000 converts after Peter’s message in Acts chapter 2 is a favorite proof text. This is why most church staff positions focus on the worship service as they seek to replicate a Pentecost type movement through what has been called “high impact services”. I visited a church this week that had four staff members whose jobs revolved around the Sunday morning service and yet their small group coordinator was a part-time volunteer. We revere the pastor or evangelist who is able to produce a Pentecost type stirring, notwithstanding the fact that not even Paul achieved comparable results.

Though spectacular, movements can lack the depth of relationship and character necessary to be sustained from one generation to the next. Generational sustainability necessitates a deep love and a sacrificial longevity that a rapid multiplication does not require. Only a sacrificial love is strong enough to bridge the generations.

[1] Covey, Stephen R. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People (New York: Simon and Schuster, 1989), p. 97.

The Absorbency of Love

Posted on April 29, 2010 by Lewie Clark

Love has the strength to absorb. This absorbency is seen in Paul’s description of love in 1 Corinthians 13: “Love is patient, love is kind . . . it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs . . . it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” Jesus was able to absorb the immature behavior of his disciples and even their abandonment on the night of his crucifixion.

An evidence of love’s absorbency will be your ability to listen to your disciple, especially during times of failure in his life. A person who does not love has a hard time making room in his heart to listen. Our natural response to someone’s failure is disappointment, which turns to frustration, and finally anger. Our tendency is to try and “fix” others by instruction. (If only he would listen to me!) We would be better advised to listen to our disciple at times of their failure rather than just instructing. To listen intently will give you an understanding of the problem and then at an appropriate time you are able to give right counsel to your disciple. (Often I ask my disciple to give me 48 hours after our initial conversation so that I can process what he has said to me.)

Listening is a powerful form of love that transforms the life of your disciple. (This is why I believe prayer is an essential part of spiritual growth. When I pray God has all the time in the universe to listen to me and his infinite love is able to absorb my rambling, joys, frustration, sin, and failure). As M. Scott Peck has said: “The principal form that the work of love takes is attention. When we love another we give him or her our attention…by far the most common and important way in which we can exercise our attention is by listening…listening well is an exercise of attention and by necessity hard work.”[1]

[1] Peck, M. Scott “The Road Less Traveled” (Austin: Touchstone Publishing, 1998)

Love and Right Thinking

Posted on April 27, 2010 by Lewie Clark

One of the first things to do as a discipler is to stabilize your disciple. When someone is insecure because of rejection, loneliness, shame, or detachment, not only does his mind not think clearly, he can be irrational. (A simple illustration of this was your inability to concentrate for a test or to make good choices after your college girlfriend broke up with you.) What brings an inner steadiness to your disciple is an understanding of God’s love. Paul writes of this stability in Ephesians 4 “…being rooted and established in love…” Later Paul connects love and right thinking in Philippians: “And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ…” (This is not a quick process and usually takes months.)

I begin the relationship by asking my disciple to share his story so that I can listen for the points of suffering, rejection, voids, hurt, and disappointments in his life. His life stories give me insight into his inner man and God’s approach in his life. It is at these points of suffering that I introduce him to the sovereignty of God. The sovereignty of God is made of up of three strands:

God’s Power- God’s power means God is able to do anything that is in harmony with His wise and holy and perfect nature.
God’s Wisdom- God’s wisdom means that God always chooses the best purpose and the best means to that purpose.
God’s Love- God’s love means that God eternally gives of Himself to others. (This definition understands love as self-giving for the benefit of others.)

Stories are powerful conveyers of truth. I refer to the life stories of biblical characters to illustrate the Lord’s sovereignty in the life of his children. (e.g. Joseph, Moses, Ruth, Esther, David, Daniel, Elizabeth, Mary, etc.) Disciples relate differently to different biblical characters, so we explore the various characters until we find one that resonates with him.

Love and Insecurity

Posted on April 21, 2010 by Lewie Clark

Disciple making is a love relationship. Love is hard work, so it should be expected that the first months with your disciple are difficult. You should not be surprised when you come up against instability, fear, contractions, resistance, anger, and moodiness in the life of your disciple. He may become evasive and lash out at you, even though you have reached out to him with love. These are not unlike the relational issues Paul encountered in the lives of his disciples in Ephesus. He pled: “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.” Paul goes on to tell these disciples that rather they are to “Be imitators of God . . . and live a life of love.” Ephesians 4:31-5:2

You can expect your disciple to test you in three areas:

Trust. Your disciple will send up “trial balloon” stories and behaviors to see how you will respond before he will trust you enough to share his deepest wound, shame, or fear. This trust can takes months or even years to build. (Note: Be careful! What you assume to be his deepest wound may not be, and what seems trivial to you could be the source of his inner pain.)
Commitment. He will test the commitment of your love by withholding his commitment from you. He will ask himself: “Will this friendship last? Or will I just add this to my list of other relational disappointments?” Persistence over the long haul will communicate love to your disciple. (Note: It is important for him to learn how to love you as well as how to receive love from you.)
Insecure people like to control. Some will try and control the relationship believing that by taking control they will be safe. He will purposefully test you probing for weaknesses in your life in order to try and manipulate you, deflecting the attention off of him and onto you. (Note: Some will seek to pull you into the drama of their own life.)

Pursuing Your Disciple

Posted on April 6, 2010 by Lewie Clark

Love pursues. Your first step with a disciple is to pursue him. Just as Jesus chose his 12 disciples and as Paul chose Timothy, it is important for you to take the initiative in pursuing your disciple. This first step is key because it establishes the tone of the relationship and sets a trajectory for discipling relationships for generations to come. When others came to Jesus and reversed the initiative by asking to become his disciple he turned them away, which indicates the significance of the discipler pursuing the disciple. (Matt 8:19-22; Luke 9:57-62)

The good news of the kingdom is that the Father pursued man and adopted him into the family of God. As I pursue a disciple I am demonstrating to him and the world the pursuing love of God in the cross of Jesus.

Recently I was at a gathering where several disciples shared their stories. A recurring theme was the life change as a result of being loved by their discipler. Not only will your disciple never forget being pursued by you, but it will serve as a point of reference for the rest of his life. Because he has experienced the love of being pursued, he will pursue others.

Some closing lessons from the pursuit:

Pursuing is hard work.
Pursuing is deliberate.
Begin the pursuit by having your disciple tell you his story.
The pursuit of your disciple will take months. Depending on the individual it may take many initiatives before you see a response. (The pursuit often causes a disciple to face his deepest fears which he has avoided for years.)
The experience of being pursued teaches your disciple how to pursue others.
Parents, pursue each of your children. Children, pursue your parents. Brothers and sisters, pursue one another. Friends, pursue your friends.

The Kindness of Friendship

Posted on March 26, 2010 by Lewie Clark

Jonathan is my hero. He provides for us an example of the heart of friendship a discipler should have towards his disciple. Though a courageous warrior, Jonathan was a kind man, living counter to his surroundings and upbringing. His father, King Saul, was an angry, violent, proud, and irrational person. Although his siblings were products of their environment, Jonathan became humble, loyal, affectionate, and a good friend. He gives us hope that we are not fated to repeat our family’s dysfunction and self-destructive behavior.

As the story of Jonathan and David’s friendship unfolds we get a glimpse into the heart of Jonathan. Though heir to the throne, Jonathan was submissive to the purpose and will of God even though it meant for him a displacement to a secondary role. He actually chose to be a friend to the very man who would take his place as king.

But are there really any secondary roles in God’s economy? I do not believe that David could have become the man of God that he did without the foundation of Jonathan’s friendship in his life. Jonathan not only loved David but he taught him how to place a confidence in the purpose of God. Once when David was running for his life from Saul, Jonathan was able to speak courage into the heart of David because of his own trust in the sovereignty of God.

And Saul’s son, Jonathan went to David at Horesh and helped him find strength in God. “Don’t be afraid,” he said. “My father Saul will not lay a hand on you. You will be king over Israel, and I will be second to you. Even my father Saul knows this.” The two of them made a covenant before the Lord. Then Jonathan went home, but David remained at Horesh. (1 Samuel 23:16-18)

Placing others ahead of myself is at the heart of following Jesus and making disciples. To be a follower of Jesus is to live for others. This is not only what Jesus taught but also what he displayed by his life.

For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many. (Mark 10:45)

When I place the interest of my friend’s life ahead of my own I am illustrating the good news of Jesus to the world. My nature is to watch out for myself and trust no one. Only my surrender to the sovereign purpose of God can rescue me from the pull of self-centeredness.

Jonathan embraced God’s purpose for his own life by understanding and embracing God’s purpose for his friend David’s life. Jonathan then purposed to join God in making David king and to serve him as the second man; in other words, to make David a success.

It is when I recognize that there is a divine purpose for the life of my disciple and that I willingly join the Holy Spirit in fulfilling that purpose, no matter the cost, that I become a true friend. Many want a Jonathan and David type friendship but few are willing to pay the price. It is in losing my life for the sake of a friend that I find my own life’s purpose.

Hospitality: A Starting Point For Making Disciples

Posted on February 25, 2010 by Lewie Clark

Hospitality is a good starting place for making disciples. It provides for you an opportunity to serve your disciple and to carve out a safe place for him to belong. Serving and making followers of Jesus are inseparable. Jesus told his disciples:

Whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many. (Mark 10:43-45)

Hospitality not only allows your disciple to observe service to others, it also provides him an opportunity to become part of the serving process; whether it is cutting the bread, setting the table, or taking drink orders. Teaching your disciple hospitality is an important component for the spreading of the gospel through serving others.

Henri Nouwen writes:

How does healing take place? Many words, such as care and compassion, understanding and forgiveness, fellowship and community, have been used for the healing task of the Christian minister. I like to use the word hospitality, not only because it has such deep roots in the Judaeo-Christian tradition, but also, and primarily, because it gives us more insight into the nature of response to the human condition of loneliness. Hospitality is the virtue which allows us to break through the narrowness of our own fears and to open our houses to the stranger, with the intuition that salvation comes to us in the form of a tired traveler. Hospitality makes anxious disciples into powerful witnesses, makes suspicious owners into generous givers and makes closed-minded sectarians into interested recipients of new ideas and insights.

Why Hospitality?

Posted on February 16, 2010 by Lewie Clark

Making disciples of Jesus is best done in the context of your home, whether for your natural children or your spiritual children. Disciples are the children of God; therefore the home is an ideal environment for a disciple to experience, (1) the parental nature of God, (2) what it means to belong to a family, (3) how to love and serve others, and (4) how to attach to brothers and sisters. Children can witness what it means to follow Jesus by observing the daily lives of their parents in various circumstances.

In the West we tend to compartmentalize our lives, often separating our ministry from our home. Even when ministry is conducted in the home, it tends to be done as a “study” or “meeting” rather than being a family gathering. (In the many small group training conferences that I have attended, never did “family” or “a meal” enter the discussion. A house was only a convenient place to hold a meeting.)

Some Benefits of Hospitality:

Hospitality provides you an opportunity to serve your disciple. (Serving is another way to say “I love you”.)
Hospitality opens up your life to your disciple. (A person’s home tells a lot about a person. I have been in very few homes of pastors or church leaders.)
Hospitality provides your disciple an opportunity to observe how you relate to your wife and children.
Hospitality provides an opportunity for your children to serve others and to learn how to share.
Hospitality provides an opportunity for your children to love others and for others to love your children. (A hug from a 4 year old will melt any heart.)
Hospitality provides an opportunity for your children to observe how you minister and interact with others.
Hospitality provides a place for your disciple to belong.
Hospitality provides a place for your disciple to serve. (Help cook, help clean up, help with the children)
Hospitality provides you an opportunity for you to observe how your disciple relates to others.

Imitating Jesus

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