Imitating Jesus

Group leaders become frustrated when they are unable to cultivate a community that truly loves one another. Often the reason for this frustration is that the leader has put the cart before the horse. He/she has placed their energies on creating a community through the weekly meeting time rather than individually discipling the group members.

Christian small group leaders have been trained to build their community through the couple hours of “group time” that the members are together each week. I argue that the community’s environment is a result of the leader’s discipling of the members outside of the group time. As the orchestra’s concert is the consummation of lessons, private practice and rehearsals so the group dynamic is the expression of the discipler’s individual investment in his/her disciples. One cannot expect people who have not been discipled to behave like disciples in community.

Love is the mark of a follower of Jesus. Jesus said, “By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” (John 13:35) In my first 20 years of making disciples I followed the “one-on-one” discipling model. But after studying the discipling methods of Jesus, I decided to pull my disciples together one night a week at my apartment to form a community. I was in for a shock. Not only did these guys not love one another, but some of them did not even get along with one another.

I realized that sitting in a Starbucks a guy could snow me by giving the impression that all his relationships were healthy, but in a community with other believers his relational fault lines are exposed and his true character is revealed. Finding oneself in authentic community can stir up old fears and insecurities. Over the next several months I was coaching the guys individually on how to love the others and how to receive love. I would have to teach Tim specifically on how to love John. Some of the men did not believe they could ever be loved. I remember Grant working hard to learn how to receive friendship from the other men in the group.

Jesus took 30 months with his disciples to shape their community and to exhibit his love for them. Jesus then instructed the disciples to love one another with the same love that He had for them, “As I have loved you, so you must love one another.” (John 13:34) For eternity God’s love has been revealed in the community of the Father, Son, and Spirit, so then, our love for one another as disciples is an illustration of God’s love to the world.