Imitating Jesus

Hospitality is a good starting place for making disciples.  It provides for you an opportunity to serve your disciple and to carve out a safe place for him to belong. Serving and making followers of Jesus are inseparable.  Jesus told his disciples:

“Whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all.  For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”  Mark 10:43-45

Hospitality not only allows your disciple to observe service to others, it also provides him an opportunity to become part of the serving process; whether it is cutting the bread, setting the table, or taking drink orders.  Teaching your disciple hospitality is an important component for the spreading of the gospel through serving others.

Henri Nouwen writes:

“How does healing take place?  Many words, such as care and compassion, understanding and forgiveness, fellowship and community, have been used for the healing task of the Christian minister.  I like to use the word hospitality, not only because it has such deep roots in the Judaeo-Christian tradition, but also, and primarily, because it gives us more insight into the nature of response to the human condition of loneliness.  Hospitality is the virtue which allows us to break through the narrowness of our own fears and to open our houses to the stranger, with the intuition that salvation comes to us in the form of a tired traveler.  Hospitality makes anxious disciples into powerful witnesses, makes suspicious owners into generous givers and makes closed-minded sectarians into interested recipients of new ideas and insights.”

Recommended Reading on Hospitality:

• “Real Love for Real Life:  The Art and Work of Caring” by Andi Ashworth.  Colorado Springs: Shaw Books.  ISBN  0-87788-048-4
• “Contagious Holiness:  Jesus’ Meal with Sinners” by Craig L. Blomberg.  Downers Grove:  InterVarsity Press.  ISBN  0-8308-2620-3
• “Reaching Out:  The Three Movements of the Spiritual Life” by Henri J.M. Nouwen. Garden City: Doubleday. ISBN  0-385-03212-9
• “A Gentleman Entertains: A Guide to Making Memorable Occasions Happen” by John Bridges and Bryan Curtis.  Nashville: Rutledge Hill Press, 2000.  ISBN 1-55853-812-7 (Great for beginners!)
• “Making Room: Recovering Hospitality as a Christian Tradition” by Christine D. Pohl.
• “L’Abri” by Edith Schaeffer.  Wheaton:  Crossway Books, 1969, 1992.  ISBN  0-89107-668-9

Making disciples of Jesus is best done in the context of your home, whether for your natural children or your spiritual children.  Disciples are the children of God; therefore the home is an ideal environment for a disciple to experience, (1) the parental nature of God, (2) what it means to belong to a family, (3) how to love and serve others, and (4) how to attach to brothers and sisters.  Children can witness what it means to follow Jesus by observing the daily lives of their parents in various circumstances.

In the West we tend to compartmentalize our lives, often separating our ministry from our home.  Even when ministry is conducted in the home, it tends to be done as a “study” or “meeting” rather than being a family gathering.  (In the many small group training conferences that I have attended, never did “family” or “a meal” enter the discussion.  A house was only a convenient place to hold a meeting.)

Some Benefits of Hospitality:

• Hospitality provides you an opportunity to serve your disciple.  (Serving is another way to say “I love you”.)
• Hospitality opens up your life to your disciple.  (A person’s home tells a lot about a person.  I have been in very few homes of pastors or church leaders.)
• Hospitality provides your disciple an opportunity to observe how you relate to your wife and children.
• Hospitality provides an opportunity for your children to serve others and to learn how to share.
• Hospitality provides an opportunity for your children to love others and for others to love your children.   (A hug from a 4 year old will melt any heart.)
• Hospitality provides an opportunity for your children to observe how you minister and interact with others.
• Hospitality provides a place for your disciple to belong.
• Hospitality provides a place for your disciple to serve.  (Help cook, help clean up, help with the children)
• Hospitality provides you an opportunity for you to observe how your disciple relates to others.

The question I am asked most often is “what does your ministry look like?” Although there are many components to our approach, hospitality would be central. If you would ask how we make disciples, I would say through the means of hospitality.  If you would ask our method for evangelism, again I would answer hospitality.

At my last church we were teaching through the qualifications of an elder, one of which is hospitality.  My immediate question was, “If hospitality is a qualification for spiritual leadership, then why was it not part of my pastoral training?” Although we would have said that our church was hospitable, as an elder I had to admit that I knew little of hospitality.  I had lived in the same apartment for 10 years with only 6 overnight guests and no dinner guests.  (Friends made fun of the fact that I used my oven for storage.)

In contrast, over the past 5 years we have had nearly a thousand overnight guests and even more dinner guests in our Chicago apartment.  Our prayer has been “bring the right people to us and keep the wrong people away.” We keep prepared for the unexpected guest, whether for a meal or overnight.

Rachel Davis is a friend in the hospitality industry.  She taught me the difference between entertainment and hospitality.  Entertainment is about “me” as the host or hostess-how my house looks, the quality of food, how good of a party I can give- whereas hospitality is about others and serving them.  As the Father, Son, and Spirit opened up their family at a great sacrifice allowing us to be adopted as children of God, so we can open up our homes to give an experiential demonstration of the love of the God to others.   It is hard work.  It does take time and cost money, but it is the sacrifice that empowers hospitality to be an illustration of the good news of the death and resurrection of Jesus.

The lens through which I view others communicates louder than my words or actions.  This is why the lens through which I view my disciple must be correct in order for him to experience the love that brings life change.  As a wrong prescription for glasses effects how a patient sees everything, so a wrong or incomplete perspective effects how I view others.  People can sense how another views them, so I must rigorously evaluate the lens through which I see each of my disciples.   I can say the right words and do the right things, but if my lens is incorrect, my words and actions will ring hollow.

My lens must correspond with God’s view of my disciple, which is a perspective of family love.  The heavenly Father has adopted my disciple into the family of God. He is now a son of God; she is a daughter of God.  He is my brother; she is my sister.  The Father has engrafted him into his family at great cost demonstrating his value to God.

Paul and John’s perspective of the brothers and sisters enthusiastically comes through their letters.  Paul writes: “I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his comparable great power for us who believe.” Ephesians 1:18. John writes:   How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! 1 John 3:1 The apostles’ perspective reminds the disciples of the great love, kindness and grace that the Father has given to them. 

While looking for ministry methods, Christianity has the tendency to skip over the Gospels and dive into the book of Acts and Paul’s letters.  Yet it is in the Gospels that we have four accounts of God coming to earth to show us what God is like.  “When Church Was a Family” by Joseph Hellerman is one of the more thought provoking books I have read in a while.  He writes:

“The earthly ministry of Jesus of Nazareth constitutes the one time in the history of humanity when heaven fully and finally came to earth.  In Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John, we have the opportunity to see the question What is God like? answered in the flesh-and-blood world in which we live.  During His incarnation Jesus not only procured our way to heaven.  He also shows us how to live on earth.  Now we can pattern our lives after Jesus.”[1]

The answer to What is God is like? as seen in the Gospels is love.  At the baptism of Jesus the heavenly Father breaks silence and declares his love for his Son.  “And a voice from heaven said, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.” (Matt 3:17) Here we discover the family love bond between the heavenly Father and Jesus.  This familiar love becomes the basis for Jesus love for his disciples and the disciples love for one another.   “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you.” (John 15:9) “As I have loved you, so you must love one another.” (John 13:34-35)

While reading the Gospels our Western eyes are drawn to ministry methods and we can easily miss the relational component of Jesus’ approach.   Imitating the methods of Jesus without the family love element will result in a sterile religion rather than a dynamic spiritual family.  It is essential for your disciples to understand that God relates to them as a Father and they are to relate to him as a son.  This understanding is the basis on which your disciples are to lovingly relate to one another as brothers.  The brotherly love your disciples have for one another is a window for the world to see into the heavenly Father’s love for Jesus and their perfect unity. “I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.” (John 17:22-23)

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[1] Joseph H. Hellerman, When the Church Was a Family (Nashville: B & H Academic, 2009), p. 62.

My dad has prayed for me every day for 52 years.  It is difficult to describe the security and love that I feel each time he says to me, “Son, I pray for you every day.”

Prayer is a gift of love for you to give to your disciple. Telling your disciple that you pray for him is just another way of saying “I love you.” You may not have money, possessions, or position, but all can give the gift of prayer.

In addition to love, prayer for your disciple communicates value to him as you bring his name before the God of the universe for His consideration and blessing.  There is something about someone interceding on our behalf that communicates worth.

Both Jesus and Paul give us the example of a discipler praying for his disciples.  Jesus prays for his disciples throughout his ministry, and we even have one of those prayers recorded for us in John 17.  Paul not only consistently prays for his disciples, but he also regularly tells them that he prays for them and gives them the content of those prayers (e.g., Ephesians 1:15-23).

Most believers will never have the experience of someone daily praying for them.  I know of no better way of loving your disciple than to daily offer up prayers on his behalf.

Here are a couple of things I do:

• I take the prayers of Paul and pray them over my disciple.  (“I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give Nate the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that Nate may know him better  . . .” Ephesians 1:17)

• Periodically I send a text message or email to my disciple to let him know that I prayed for him that morning.

• I keep pictures of my disciples from over the years in a 3 x 5 box and rotate the pictures as a prayer reminder.

As a discipler, it is not only essential for you to verbally communicate your love to each disciple, it is also important that your disciple communicates his love to you and to the other disciples.

This week I listened to an interview of a father who on 9/11 lost two sons who were New York firefighters.   That fateful morning he had spoken to his sons on the phone and the last thing he had said to both boys was “I love you.” This dad finished the interview in tears saying, “I am so glad that the last thing they heard from me was that I loved them.”

Our heavenly Father not only loves us, but he used words to express that love throughout the Old Testament.  Then when the God-Man Jesus came to earth he too verbally expressed his love to his disciples.  The night before his crucifixion he communicated the full extent of that love by stating: “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you.” (John 15:9)

The apostle Paul also gives free expression in communicating his love for the believers.  Early in his ministry he says to the Thessalonians: “How can we thank God enough for you in return for all the joy we have in the presence of our God because of you?  Night and day we pray most earnestly that we may see you again and supply what is lacking in your faith.” (1 Thess 3:8-10)  Ten years later, rather than suffering from ministry burnout, he still overflows with love in telling the Philippians: “God can testify how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus.” (Phil 1:8)  At the end of his life Paul was still lavishing affection on his disciple Timothy, even after being together for 17 years, he writes:  “Recalling your tears, I long to see you, so that I may be filled with joy.” (2 Tim 1:4)

Here are a couple of things I do in verbally expressing love to my disciples:

• My goal is to verbally express my love to each disciple each time we are together.  (Each goodbye maybe our last until heaven.)

• Periodically I write my affection in a note, email or text message to my disciple.  It is important for your disciple to receive your affection in both verbal and written forms.

• Coach your disciple on how to express his affection to the other disciples in the group.

• I regularly check to insure that the disciples are expressing their love to one another even when I am not around.

Creating an environment where affection is natural and meaningful is an essential component of the discipling process.  Not only is physical affection necessary between the discipler and his disciple, but it is also important for your disciples to be affectionate with one another.  As affection is a natural expression of love in a healthy family, so it should be among the children of God.

Four times the apostle Paul exhorts his disciples to be physically affectionate with one another by “Greeting one another with a holy kiss.”  (Romans 16:16; 1 Corinthians 16:20; 2 Corinthians 13:12; 1 Thessalonians 5:26) Robert Banks explains the significant role of affection among believers in his work “Paul’s Idea of Community”.  He argues: “Two final physical expressions of fellowship remain.  ‘Greet all the brethren with a holy kiss.’ Paul says to his first converts in Thessalonica and to the recipients of his letters in Corinth and Rome.  To interpret this action as merely a formal or secondary procedure would be to underestimate its importance.  Not as significant as baptism and the Lord’s Supper, it does, like the laying on of hands, play an important role in early Christian communal life.  By means of this action the bond between each member of the church was given real, not merely symbolic, expression.”[1]

Luke’s writing gives us a glimpse into the freedom that Paul’s disciples had in expressing their affection with him.  ”When he (Paul) had said this, he knelt down with all of them and prayed. They all wept as they embraced him and kissed him.” Acts 20:36-37. Although our culture may be uncomfortable in expressing affection with a kiss, I do believe that our affection needs to go beyond a handshake; even strangers will exchange a handshake.

A mark of spiritual maturing in the life of a disciple is an ease of giving and receiving affection.  Awkwardness with affection could be an indicator of a deeper issue in the life of the disciple. It is also important for the discipler to monitor the affection between group members because it is an indicator how well the disciples are relating with one another.  It is difficult for a disciple to be affectionate with someone with whom he is disappointed or at odds.

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[1] Banks, Robert, “Paul’s Idea of Community”, (Peabody: Hendrickson Publishers, Inc., 1994), p.85.

Love is the mark of a follower of Jesus.  Yet for many, love does not come easy.  It is vital in the training of your disciples that they learn not only how to express their love for others, but also how to receive love from others.  Some love easily but have a difficult time accepting love, while others receive love with no trouble but have a difficult time expressing love.

Recently I was with one of our groups of disciples and in my private conversations I was impressed with the love each of the members had for one another.  I had assumed that they all knew of this mutual respect, but later I found out that none of the members had expressed their love to the others because embarrassment had closed off their heartfelt affection.   Immediately I went to each person (most issues are best resolved outside of a group meeting) and gave them the assignment of meeting face to face with each member to express their love exactly as they had told it to me.

Kierkegaard exhorts us: “Your friend, your beloved, your child, or whoever is the object of your love, has a claim upon its expression also in words when it really moves you inwardly.  The emotion is not your possession but the other’s . . . you should let the mouth speak out of the abundance of the heart; you should not be ashamed of your feelings and still less of honestly giving to each one his due.” [1]

Some tips I have learned along the way:

• Encourage your disciple to express the specific reason(s) why he loves another rather than just a general “I love you, man!”

• Help your disciple look for opportunities to serve others in the group.  Nothing says “I love you” like meeting the need of another.

• Discuss with your disciple the strengths of others and then encourage him to express his appreciation for those strengths to that individual.  It is easy to focus on the weakness of another which causes us to be blind to his strengths.  “Wherever there is building up, love is present, and wherever love is, there is building up.”[2]

• The book “The Heart of the Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman is helpful in providing practical ways for your disciples to express their love for one another.

• Individual attention.  Have each of your disciples get together one-on-one and for the purpose of listening to each other’s life stories.

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[1] Kierkegaard, Soren. “Works of Love”, (New York: Harper Perennial, 1962), 29.

[2] [2] Kierkegaard, Soren. “Works of Love”, (New York: Harper Perennial, 1962), 204.

I just got off the phone with a missionary to remote China.  The struggle for the missionaries has not been the language, the food, or the culture; but rather the relational tension between the missionaries on their team.  They feel a loss of creditability in sharing the gospel because of their inability to get along with one another.  Jesus words, “By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” taunt them.  One wonders why unity even among committed believers is difficult.

The community of believers in which a disciple finds himself is by design.  In his sovereignty, the Holy Spirit knows with whom each disciple needs to interrelate.  As Inagrace Tieterich correctly states:  “The role of the Holy Spirit is to form loving community: to create a people for God’s name, who bear God’s likeness in their character, as that is seen in their behavior” [1]. This community designed by the Holy Spirit will not only expose each person for who he is, but it will also give each individual the opportunity to learn how to lovingly relate to other believers in order that their relationship with one another can be a witness of the gospel to the world.  My friend Bill Greene says that he knows where the Lord is at work in his life based on who the Lord places into his immediate world for him to love; those from whom he cannot escape.

Robert Bellah sees living in community as an essential component for our own growth and for the benefit of others.  He writes:  “We find ourselves not independently of other people and institutions but through them.  We never get to the bottom of ourselves on our own.  We discover who we are face to face and side by side with others in work, love, and learning.  All of our activity goes on in relationships, groups associations, and communities ordered by institutional structures and interpreted by cultural patterns of meaning” [2]. It was no accident that Jesus made disciples in a group.

A couple closing thoughts:

1. Conflict in a community of believers is not a disruption to the purpose of God but rather they are an opportunity to teach your disciples how to love each other, how to build unity and therefore expanding the kingdom of God.
2. Your disciple’s interaction with the others in a community will help you know your disciple.  It is more difficult to get to know a person apart from community.
3. Each individual, no matter how difficult, is an essential element in the Spirit’s building unity in the group.  (Be careful not to think, “This could be a good community if only Jessica were not on the team.” In reality, Jessica may be the key to building the unity on the team that the Lord intends.)

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[1] Inagrace T. Tieterich, Missional Community, Cultivating Communities of the Holy Spirit, Missional Church: A Vision for the Sending of the Church in North American (Grand Rapids:  Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing Co., 1998), 148.

[2] Robert Bellah, et al., Habits of the Heart: Individualism and Commitment in American Life (Berkeley:  University of California Press, 1983), p. 84.