Category Archives: Discipleship

What is God Like?

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While looking for ministry methods, Christianity has the tendency to skip over the Gospels and dive into the book of Acts and Paul’s letters.  Yet it is in the Gospels that we have four accounts of God coming to earth to show us what God is like.  “When Church Was a Family” by Joseph Hellerman is one of the more thought provoking books I have read in a while.  He writes:

“The earthly ministry of Jesus of Nazareth constitutes the one time in the history of humanity when heaven fully and finally came to earth.  In Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John, we have the opportunity to see the question What is God like? answered in the flesh-and-blood world in which we live.  During His incarnation Jesus not only procured our way to heaven.  He also shows us how to live on earth.  Now we can pattern our lives after Jesus.”[1]

The answer to What is God is like? as seen in the Gospels is love.  At the baptism of Jesus the heavenly Father breaks silence and declares his love for his Son.  “And a voice from heaven said, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.” (Matt 3:17) Here we discover the family love bond between the heavenly Father and Jesus.  This familiar love becomes the basis for Jesus love for his disciples and the disciples love for one another.   “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you.” (John 15:9) “As I have loved you, so you must love one another.” (John 13:34-35)

While reading the Gospels our Western eyes are drawn to ministry methods and we can easily miss the relational component of Jesus’ approach.   Imitating the methods of Jesus without the family love element will result in a sterile religion rather than a dynamic spiritual family.  It is essential for your disciples to understand that God relates to them as a Father and they are to relate to him as a son.  This understanding is the basis on which your disciples are to lovingly relate to one another as brothers.  The brotherly love your disciples have for one another is a window for the world to see into the heavenly Father’s love for Jesus and their perfect unity. “I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.” (John 17:22-23)

[1] Joseph H. Hellerman, When the Church Was a Family (Nashville: B & H Academic, 2009), p. 62.

Teaching Your Disciples How to Love #4: Prayer for One Another

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My dad has prayed for me every day for 52 years.  It is difficult to describe the security and love that I feel each time he says to me, “Son, I pray for you every day.”

Prayer is a gift of love for you to give to your disciple. Telling your disciple that you pray for him is just another way of saying “I love you.” You may not have money, possessions, or position, but all can give the gift of prayer.

In addition to love, prayer for your disciple communicates value to him as you bring his name before the God of the universe for His consideration and blessing.  There is something about someone interceding on our behalf that communicates worth.

Both Jesus and Paul give us the example of a discipler praying for his disciples.  Jesus prays for his disciples throughout his ministry, and we even have one of those prayers recorded for us in John 17.  Paul not only consistently prays for his disciples, but he also regularly tells them that he prays for them and gives them the content of those prayers (e.g. Ephesians 1:15-23).

Most believers will never have the experience of someone daily praying for them.  I know of no better way of loving your disciple than to daily offer up prayers on his behalf.

Here are a couple of things I do:

  • I take the prayers of Paul and pray them over my disciple.  (“I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give Nate the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that Nate may know him better…” Ephesians 1:17)
  • Periodically I send a text message or email to my disciple to let him know that I prayed for him that morning.
  • I keep pictures of my disciples from over the years in a 3 x 5 box and rotate the pictures as a prayer reminder.

Teaching Your Disciple How to Love #3: The Meaningful Word

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As a discipler, it is not only essential for you to verbally communicate your love to each disciple, it is also important that your disciple communicates his love to you and to the other disciples.

This week I listened to an interview of a father who on 9/11 lost two sons who were New York firefighters.   That fateful morning he had spoken to his sons on the phone and the last thing he had said to both boys was “I love you.” This dad finished the interview in tears saying, “I am so glad that the last thing they heard from me was that I loved them.”

Our heavenly Father not only loves us, but he used words to express that love throughout the Old Testament.  Then when the God-Man Jesus came to earth he too verbally expressed his love to his disciples.  The night before his crucifixion he communicated the full extent of that love by stating: “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you.” (John 15:9)

The apostle Paul also gives free expression in communicating his love for the believers.  Early in his ministry he says to the Thessalonians: “How can we thank God enough for you in return for all the joy we have in the presence of our God because of you?  Night and day we pray most earnestly that we may see you again and supply what is lacking in your faith.” (1 Thess 3:8-10)  Ten years later, rather than suffering from ministry burnout, he still overflows with love in telling the Philippians: “God can testify how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus.” (Phil 1:8)  At the end of his life Paul was still lavishing affection on his disciple Timothy, even after being together for 17 years, he writes:  “Recalling your tears, I long to see you, so that I may be filled with joy.” (2 Tim 1:4)

Here are a couple of things I do in verbally expressing love to my disciples:

  • My goal is to verbally express my love to each disciple each time we are together.  (Each goodbye maybe our last until heaven.)
  • Periodically I write my affection in a note, email or text message to my disciple.  It is important for your disciple to receive your affection in both verbal and written forms.
  • Coach your disciple on how to express his affection to the other disciples in the group.
  • I regularly check to insure that the disciples are expressing their love to one another even when I am not around.

Teaching Your Disciple How to Love #2: The Meaningful Touch

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Creating an environment where affection is natural and meaningful is an essential component of the discipling process.  Not only is physical affection necessary between the discipler and his disciple, but it is also important for your disciples to be affectionate with one another.  As affection is a natural expression of love in a healthy family, so it should be among the children of God.

Four times the apostle Paul exhorts his disciples to be physically affectionate with one another by “Greeting one another with a holy kiss”  (Romans 16:16; 1 Corinthians 16:20; 2 Corinthians 13:12; 1 Thessalonians 5:26). Robert Banks explains the significant role of affection among believers in his work Paul’s Idea of Community.  He argues:

Two final physical expressions of fellowship remain.  ‘Greet all the brethren with a holy kiss.’ Paul says to his first converts in Thessalonica and to the recipients of his letters in Corinth and Rome.  To interpret this action as merely a formal or secondary procedure would be to underestimate its importance.  Not as significant as baptism and the Lord’s Supper, it does, like the laying on of hands, play an important role in early Christian communal life.  By means of this action the bond between each member of the church was given real, not merely symbolic, expression. [1]

Luke’s writing gives us a glimpse into the freedom that Paul’s disciples had in expressing their affection with him.  ”When he (Paul) had said this, he knelt down with all of them and prayed. They all wept as they embraced him and kissed him.” (Acts 20:36-37). Although our culture may be uncomfortable in expressing affection with a kiss, I do believe that our affection needs to go beyond a handshake; even strangers will exchange a handshake.

A mark of spiritual maturing in the life of a disciple is an ease of giving and receiving affection.  Awkwardness with affection could be an indicator of a deeper issue in the life of the disciple. It is also important for the discipler to monitor the affection between group members because it is an indicator how well the disciples are relating with one another.  It is difficult for a disciple to be affectionate with someone with whom he is disappointed or at odds.

[1] Banks, Robert, “Paul’s Idea of Community”, (Peabody: Hendrickson Publishers, Inc., 1994), p.85.

 

Teaching Your Disciples How to Love #1

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Love is the mark of a follower of Jesus.  Yet for many, love does not come easy.  It is vital in the training of your disciples that they learn not only how to express their love for others, but also how to receive love from others.  Some love easily but have a difficult time accepting love, while others receive love with no trouble but have a difficult time expressing love.

Recently I was with one of our groups of disciples and in my private conversations I was impressed with the love each of the members had for one another.  I had assumed that they all knew of this mutual respect, but later I found out that none of the members had expressed their love to the others because embarrassment had closed off their heartfelt affection.   Immediately I went to each person (most issues are best resolved outside of a group meeting) and gave them the assignment of meeting face to face with each member to express their love exactly as they had told it to me.

Kierkegaard exhorts us:

Your friend, your beloved, your child, or whoever is the object of your love, has a claim upon its expression also in words when it really moves you inwardly.  The emotion is not your possession but the other’s . . . you should let the mouth speak out of the abundance of the heart; you should not be ashamed of your feelings and still less of honestly giving to each one his due. [1]

Some tips I have learned along the way:

  • Encourage your disciple to express the specific reason(s) why he loves another rather than just a general “I love you, man!”
  • Help your disciple look for opportunities to serve others in the group.  Nothing says “I love you” like meeting the need of another.
  • Discuss with your disciple the strengths of others and then encourage him to express his appreciation for those strengths to that individual.  It is easy to focus on the weakness of another which causes us to be blind to his strengths.  “Wherever there is building up, love is present, and wherever love is, there is building up.” [2]
  • The book “The Heart of the Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman is helpful in providing practical ways for your disciples to express their love for one another.
  • Individual attention.  Have each of your disciples get together one-on-one and for the purpose of listening to each other’s life stories.

[1] Kierkegaard, Soren. “Works of Love”, (New York: Harper Perennial, 1962), 29.

[2] Kierkegaard, Soren. “Works of Love”, (New York: Harper Perennial, 1962), 204.

Hometown Disciple Making #2

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One question I am asked frequently is “how do you know who to disciple?”  One criterion I use is that the disciple lives in close proximity.   Jesus selected Capernaum to be his hometown and base for his ministry.  He chose men to disciple who lived and worked in the same region.  As Michael Wilkins has pointed out: “Most of the twelve disciples were from Capernaum and Bethsaida…” [1]

Being near to your disciples is important in order for you to know your disciples, for your disciples to know you, and for the disciples to know one another.  (This is not to say that longer distances between you and your disciple cannot work, but generally living close provides a better environment to make disciples.)

Here are some reasons why it is better if your disciples live near you:

  • For the Discipler:
    • The discipler needs to have access to his disciples during times of their personal suffering.  Trials are important times because they are the work of God in the life of your disciple.
    • Living in close proximity allows the discipler to serve the physical needs of his disciple.
    • When he (Jesus) had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. “Do you understand what I have done for you?” he asked them. . . “I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you” (John 13:12-17).
    • “The pivotal pronouncement of servanthood in Mark 10:45 declares the essence of Jesus’ ministry.  By comprehending this, the disciples will comprehend the essence of discipleship as servanthood, including their motivation, position, ambition, expectations and example.  The disciple who is privileged to be a member of Jesus’ kingdom is a servant…” [2]
    • Life together allows the discipler to witness how his disciple responds to the circumstances of life and how he relates to people.
  • For the Disciple:
    • The disciple has the opportunity to imitate his discipler by observing the way he lives out following Jesus. (e.g. How he treats his wife, relates to his children, relates to others, and responds to suffering.) Paul became a model for others by first living among them.  “You know how we lived among you for your sake.  You became imitators of us and of the Lord” (1 Thess 1:5-6).
    • “Even though it is probable that Jesus’ disciples memorized much of his teaching and passed it on as the tradition of the church, the disciples were committed more to his person than to his teaching.  Following Jesus means togetherness with him and service to him while traveling on the Way” [3].
    • The disciple has the chance to interact with your other disciples.
[1] M.J. Wilkins, Disciples. Dictionary of Jesus and the Gospels, (Downers Grove: Inter Varsity Press, 1992) p. 177.
[2] Ibid p. 184.
[3] Ibid p. 187.

Unity and Making Disciples 3

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I just got off the phone with a missionary to remote China.  The struggle for the missionaries has not been the language, the food, or the culture; but rather the relational tension between the missionaries on their team.  They feel a loss of creditability in sharing the gospel because of their inability to get along with one another.  Jesus words, “By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” taunt them.  One wonders why unity even among committed believers is difficult.

The community of believers in which a disciple finds himself is by design.  In his sovereignty, the Holy Spirit knows with whom each disciple needs to interrelate.  As Inagrace Tieterich correctly states:  “The role of the Holy Spirit is to form loving community: to create a people for God’s name, who bear God’s likeness in their character, as that is seen in their behavior” [1]. This community designed by the Holy Spirit will not only expose each person for who he is, but it will also give each individual the opportunity to learn how to lovingly relate to other believers in order that their relationship with one another can be a witness of the gospel to the world.  My friend Bill Greene says that he knows where the Lord is at work in his life based on who the Lord places into his immediate world for him to love; those from whom he cannot escape.

Robert Bellah sees living in community as an essential component for our own growth and for the benefit of others.  He writes:  “We find ourselves not independently of other people and institutions but through them.  We never get to the bottom of ourselves on our own.  We discover who we are face to face and side by side with others in work, love, and learning.  All of our activity goes on in relationships, groups associations, and communities ordered by institutional structures and interpreted by cultural patterns of meaning” [2]. It was no accident that Jesus made disciples in a group.

A couple closing thoughts:

  1. Conflict in a community of believers is not a disruption to the purpose of God but rather they are an opportunity to teach your disciples how to love each other, how to build unity and therefore expanding the kingdom of God.
  2. Your disciple’s interaction with the others in a community will help you know your disciple.  It is more difficult to get to know a person apart from community.
  3. Each individual, no matter how difficult, is an essential element in the Spirit’s building unity in the group.  (Be careful not to think, “This could be a good community if only Jessica were not on the team.” In reality, Jessica may be the key to building the unity on the team that the Lord intends.)

[1] Inagrace T. Tieterich, Missional Community, Cultivating Communities of the Holy Spirit, Missional Church: A Vision for the Sending of the Church in North American (Grand Rapids:  Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing Co., 1998), 148.

[2] Robert Bellah, et al., Habits of the Heart: Individualism and Commitment in American Life (Berkeley:  University of California Press, 1983), p. 84.

Unity and Making Disciples 2

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The best defense against hypocrisy is to make disciples in a small community, as Jesus demonstrated. How your disciples relate to one another in a group is an indicator of how each relates to God as an individual. The reason I disciple in community is because the only real way to know a person is based on how he interacts with others. A person can say that they love God with all their heart and that they worship him with a total abandon, but if he does not relate well with others, he is a liar (1 John 4:20).

The test to see if a person is a child of God and if he knows God is that he lovingly relates with others. “Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love” (1 John 4:7-8). My relationship with God cannot be separated from my relationship with people; it is a direct indicator of my relationship with God.

Disciple making is not just an equipping course on how to do ministry, at its core disciple making is learning how to relate lovingly with God and with others. For this reason conflict and disunity among a group of disciples should not be looked upon despairingly by the discipler; but rather it is an opportunity to instruct his disciples on how to love one another.

(This is also why the family is an optimal place to make disciples. Within the home the parents have the opportunity to observe how their children relate with one another and then are able to teach the children how to love one another from a young age.)

Here’s what I do:

  1. I talk privately with each disciple about their relationship with each member of our group. We then discuss how he can affectively love each individual of the group. (We have found “The Five Love Languages” has been helpful in teaching our disciples on how to love one another.)
  2. I make sure that the group members spend one-on-one time with one another.
  3. Generally, when there is a conflict I do not address the entire group, but rather only those individuals involved.

Making Disciples as a Team

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Christianity is struggling in Chicago. Evangelicalism has spent thousands of dollars on advertising, church planting, and evangelistic outreach with disappointing results. Although the gospel is powerful, I wonder if we are hindered by our method. Christianity continues to approach Chicago as it has always done with church planters and missionaries working as “Lone Rangers,” even though we have the example of Jesus building and ministering from a team. Training His men, Jesus used fishing as a picture for making disciples. We envision a lone person with a rod and reel, while in the first century, fishing was a group effort netting multiple fish. It was no accident that Jesus wanted fishermen on His team.

The Holy Spirit gives each person an ability that works in harmony with the other team members. In our own community Jeremy is the energy behind us serving one another. Ryan and Abbie remind us of the lost people around us while Dan keeps us authentic. Prayer is Maureen’s passion, Randall leads us to give, Leah keeps us in the word, and Rachel has a hug for everyone. It is living in community that we have learned how to work together and how to love a variety of personalities. Unity is a choice that requires humility and hard work to keep a sure grip on the net.

The basis for this team approach is found in the nature of God. God is made up of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. They exist in harmony, and out of their relationship flows an infinite love to the world through the cross of Jesus. A discipling team is a picture of God to the world by their love for one another as John describes in 1 John 4:12: “No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.” The team embodies our message.

Our mission is no more difficult than the Roman world of Jesus. As He faced the challenge by forming a team, so we also should form teams believing that our unity is the point of engagement with our culture. Our unity is how Chicago will be convinced that the Father has sent Jesus into the world. “May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me” (John 17:23).

Love and Making Disciples

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Early in my life Ann Morrow Lindberg (Mrs. Charles Lindberg) gave words to my own discipleship experience.

“To be deeply in love is, of course, a great liberating force and the most common experience that frees…The sheer fact of finding myself loved was unbelievable and changed my world, my feelings about life and myself. I was given confidence, strength, and almost a new character. The man I was to marry believed in me and what I could do, and consequently I found I could do more than I realized.” [1]

Evangelicalism is obsessed with teaching techniques, programs, and curriculum in disciple making. We place our hope in some new program with a creative curriculum believing it will release a flood of disciple making. There is only one way and there will always only be one way to make disciples and that is to love.

Jesus sums up disciple making in a word – love. Jesus and his relationship with the twelve during their early years are recorded in the books of Matthew, Mark and Luke. John’s gospel spends little time on these years but devotes six chapters on Jesus’ last hours with his men. Judas the betrayer is out of the room. Jesus gathers the eleven together and says, “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” (John 13: 34). Later in the evening he adds: “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. So remain in my love” (John 15:9). The Father loves Jesus, Jesus loves the disciples, and in the same form of love the disciples were to love fellow disciples.

All are created in the image of God. God is love. Jesus is God. To be a follower of Jesus is to love. Proverb 19:22 says “What a man desires is unfailing love.” To understand my behavior I recognize my need to be love and to love. A person is only spiritually complete when he receives loves and gives love. Discipleship at its core is demonstrating to another how to love and be loved.

[1] Hour of Gold, Hour of Lead: Diaries and Letters of Anne Morrow Lindbergh, 1929-1932”, (Wilmington: Mariner Books, 1993), Introduction.