Category Archives: Discipleship

A Servant’s Heart and Making Disciples 3

Posted on by

How are disciples of Jesus made?

New disciples are birthed when I die to my life and place others ahead of myself by serving them. It is not the act of service itself that changes the disciple; rather it is the death to self occurring in the discipler that produces spiritual life in the disciple. Jesus gives us the key to kingdom multiplication in John 12 when he says to his disciples:

“I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me.” (John 12:23-26)

Paul viewed his ministry in this same way when he writes: “…so then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you” (2 Corinthians 4:12). It is critical that a servant’s heart is cultivated in each disciple in order that the multiplication of the kingdom will continue. Most church growth strategies focus on expansion on a corporate or group level. Either churches begin other churches or a small group multiplies my growing numerically and then dividing. I believe that Jesus intended for kingdom expansion to be on the individual level; each disciple producing another disciple.

How long should I serve a disciple, especially when there does not seem to be any progress?

This life change and multiplication process in a disciple will take longer than you thought it would and requires the discipler to patient. The disciple is often unaware of the significance of being served by his discipler until later. Jesus served the twelve for three years and yet on the night before his crucifixion the disciples were still debating among themselves who was the greatest (Luke 22:24). Once again the Lord used this opportunity to instruct and demonstrate the kingdom value of a servant’s heart. To be a follower of Jesus is to be servant.

A Servant’s Heart and Making Disciples 2

Posted on by

There is a story of Jesus and his disciples that makes me smile every time I read it. They were getting settled into the house after a road trip, and Jesus asked the disciples, “What were you guys arguing about back there on the road?” Busted! The disciples answered him with silence because he had caught them arguing about which one of them was the greatest. Here is the exact account:

“They came to Capernaum. When he was in the house, he asked them, ‘What were you arguing about on the road?’ But they kept quiet because on the way they had argued about who was the greatest. Sitting down, Jesus called the Twelve and said, ‘If anyone wants to be first, he must be the very last, and the servant of all.'” Mark 9:33-37

As followers of Jesus there is a particular “way” we are to relate to one another and live out our lives together (Luke actually calls Jesus’ new movement “The Way” in Acts). Jesus formed a group with the 12 disciples to have a relational laboratory in which to teach the values of the kingdom of God. The “way” kingdom disciples are to live is to consider others more important than themselves and to serve one another. Form any group, and there will eventually be conflict. Jesus was able to use each conflict that occurred among His disciples as a teaching point to expose the source of the conflict and also to provide them with the solution. The solution was found in the example of Jesus himself. He said to them, “…I am among you as one who serves,” (Luke 22:27) and “…just as I did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give my life as a ransom for many” (Matthew 20:28).

A discipler’s instruction alone is not enough to form the kingdom values in the heart of his disciples and their community. It requires the discipler to demonstrate a servant’s heart by his actions and attitude.

In closing:

  1. It is in community that the discipler can both teach each disciple how to serve the others, and illustrate a servant’s heart by his own life.
  2. Conflict in your community is not a disruption, but rather an opportunity to move the community toward serving one another.
  3. Help each individual to identify opportunities to serve the other members in the group. (Do not assume that they are aware of opportunities to serve. Our eyes are tuned to see ways for people to serve us, rather than to see how we can serve others.)

A Servant’s Heart and Making Disciples 1

Posted on by

Taylor Gardner is the man who discipled me. His life is an illustration of a servant’s heart. One evening I received news that my dad had been severely hurt in a motorcycle accident hundreds of miles away. Though late at night, Taylor drove across the city to be with me and to make sure I was alright. I will never forget that act of kindness as long as I live. Taylor went on to serve me by opening up for me ministry opportunities, even when he knew he could have done a better job on his own.

As a discipler, serving your disciple is a necessary element in the relationship in order to cultivate within him a heart to follow Jesus. Unlike the world, the discipler is to serve his disciples rather than being the one served, as exemplified by Jesus himself. He not only taught about a servant’s heart, he demonstrated servanthood by serving his disciples in daily living, such as preparing breakfast and washing their feet, and in the ultimate act of service in laying down his life for them.

Disciple making requires more than a weekly Bible study with a disciple at Starbucks; it is living life together. As a discipler I must be acquainted well enough with the life of my disciple in order to see the opportunities to serve him and his family. I must also have the time available to serve my disciple when the opportunity does arise. This is why a discipler can only disciple a limited number of people. What good is it that I am aware of a need of my disciple, but I am not able to meet that need because I am too busy?

Here are a couple of lessons I have learned along the way about serving:

  1. The opportunities to serve your disciple will come at inopportune times. It is the sacrifice you make to meet that need of your disciple that empowers the act of service with love.
  2. Look for ways to serve your disciple in simple ways (like a ride to the airport), as well as a major event (such as a move).
  3. It is the responsibility of the discipler to cultivate such a degree of comfort in the relationship that the disciple is able to share a need with the discipler.
  4. An act of service says, “I love you.”

Family and Making Disciples 5 – Belonging

Posted on by

Chicago Tribune writer Marla Paul took a risk when she wrote a self-revealing column confessing her sadness and frustration over her own inability to build and sustain friendships. She wrote this column expecting little, if any, response. However, she was inundated with letters from others experiencing the same kind of isolation.

One person wrote, “I’ve often felt that I’m standing outside looking through the window of a party to which I was not invited.”

Marla Paul ended her column about loneliness with these words: “Sometimes it seems easier to just give up and accept disconnectedness as a dark and unshakable companion; but, that’s not the companion I want.” She writes, “She is going to keep longing, searching, trying, and hoping that someday she will be able to discover and develop community.” [1]

People need to belong. The television show “Friends” is popular because people long to be part of a tribe of friends as seen on the show. This desire in man to belong comes from the nature of God. For all eternity the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit have had each other and belonged to one another. Since man is created in the image of God, we too were made to belong to others.

Part of the discipling process is helping your disciple understand that they belong to God as a son and also to God’s family. A disciple of Jesus belongs to the family of God because he was wanted and adopted by the heavenly Father. Trevor Burke writes: “Adoption is about being wanted. It is about belonging” [2]. Along with discussions around the word of God about what it means to be a child of God, the discipler must continually include the disciple in his own life as well and draw his disciple into a loving group of the children of God.

Some closing thoughts on belonging:

  1. Include your disciple in your life. By allowing your disciple into the routine of your life, he will see how you relate to your spouse, children, and friends. It illustrates to him what it means to belong to God’s family. (Paul wrote of this approach in 1 Thessalonians: “You know how we lived among you for your sake…We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us.”)
  2. Teach each member of your discipling community to consistently communicate to one another that they belong to the group and that they are an important part of the family. (We cannot be reminded too often that we belong.)
  3. Serve your disciple. One way to say “you belong” is by serving your disciple when they have a need. Even better is when a whole community can serve a need of one of its members.

[1] Paul, Marla, The Friendship Crisis: Finding, Making, and Keeping Friends When You’re Not a Kid Anymore, (Emmaus: Rodale Publishing, 2004)

[2] Burke, Trevor J., Adopted Into God’s Family: Exploring a Pauline Metaphor, (Downers Grove: InterVarsity Press, 2006), p.197.

Understanding Childhood and Making Disciples

Posted on by

Kyle was a bright and athletic college student who lived an hour and a half from me. Periodically we would get together to explore God’s purpose for his life. One day he told me a story from his childhood and a memory about his Little League baseball team. The bases were loaded, with 2 outs. Kyle was up to bat, and he struck out. He had let his team down. We discussed the story a little further, along with some other topics, and then I drove back home. On the trip back the Holy Spirit got in the passenger’s seat next to me (not literally) and said, “You missed it. A semi-truck drove through the room while Kyle shared his story, and you missed it.”

The next day I drove back the hour and a half trip to locate Kyle on campus-needless to say he was surprised to see me back again so soon. I asked him, “Kyle, that Little League story you shared was really significant, wasn’t it? And I missed it.” He said, “Yes, it was, and yes, you did.” Kyle went on to say, “As a matter of fact, my life has revolved around that one incident, and I can’t seem to shake it. Every day I ask the question ‘Do I have what it takes to make it?'”

One of the best books I revisited this year was the autobiography of C.S. Lewis, “Surprised by Joy.” Although he was 54 at the time of writing, most of the book is dedicated to his childhood. He felt that an individual’s world-view and personality is set by the age of fourteen. He writes: “. . .they are forgetting what boyhood felt like from within. Dates are not so important as people believe. I fancy that most of those who think at all have done a great deal of their thinking in the first fourteen years” [1].

God is at work fulfilling His purpose throughout the entire life of a disciple. He is no less present in a person’s childhood than He is in his adulthood. The Lord uses suffering in the life of a child to make him like Jesus and to fulfill God’s purpose through his life. The discipler/friend can see the working of God in a disciple’s life by exploring the suffering in his disciple’s childhood. C.S. Lewis believed that, “Children suffer not (I think) less than their elders, but differently. [2] He went on to say, “Why, by the way, do some writers talk as if care and worry were the special characteristics of adult life? It appears to me that there is more atra cura (dark, harsh care and concern) in an average schoolboy’s week than in a grown man’s average year” [3]. As a discipler/friend I need to be sensitive to the pain of these memories, but I must also point my disciple to the fact that the hand of a sovereign God was at work in those childhood events and relationships.

Here are a couple lessons I have learned about listening to childhood stories:

  1. Be Sensitive. Childhood memories can still carry with them the sting of fear, shame, and inadequacy. While listening to a successful, balanced individual, it is easy to pass over seemingly insignificant events (like a Little League strikeout), which in reality were defining (and sometimes painful) moments in the life of the disciple.
  2. Do not presume which events are significant or insignificant in the life of a disciple. For example, a parent’s divorce may not carry the same weight to a child as a Little League strikeout, as strange as that may seem.
  3. People will intentionally skip over painful childhood experiences until they know they can trust you. (Again, he may immediately tell you about his parent’s divorce but not bring up the Little League strikeout). Over the months as the trust between you and your disciple builds, they will have the courage to share with you some of their difficult experiences.
  4. Ask your disciple to indicate when they are telling you something from their childhood that is important. Some stories are just memories, others were life shaping.

[1] C.S. Lewis. “Surprised by Joy”, (New York: Inspirational Press, 1987), page 36.

[2] C.S. Lewis. “Surprised by Joy”, (New York: Inspirational Press, 1987), page 12.

[3] C.S. Lewis. “Surprised by Joy”, (New York: Inspirational Press, 1987), page 50.

Friendship and Making Disciples 4

Posted on by

Restoration Through Discipling-Friendship

The kingdom of God is about relationships. Man was designed by God to be loved and to love. The sad news is that in the Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve’s relationships were shattered, both with God, and with one another. There were now barriers of shame, self-consciousness, and fear between individuals and between man and God.

The good news is that Jesus has reconciled man to God, so that he can once again have a loving relationship with God and with others. Jesus came to earth to demonstrate how men can lovingly relate to God and to one another, both through His sacrifice on the cross, and through the example of His 30 month relationship with His own disciples. The discipling relationship restores individuals to God’s design so that man can be in relationship with one another as the Lord intended.

Here is how a discipling-friendship works:

  • God loved me first.

    The reason I can love God and love others is because He first loved me. “We love because he first loved us” (1 John 4:19). I am now able to love God and others out of the reservoir of infinite love poured into my life by God at the cross.Religion tries to manipulates men to love God, but the basis of the kingdom is that God loves us first and we are grateful responders to that love. “This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins” (1 John 4:10).

  • Relational restoration takes place in the bond of a discipling-friendship.

    A discipling-friendship relationship is vital component in the kingdom because it is means by which men learn how to love and to be loved. Jesus has given us the example of how to love by the laying down of His life for us. In the same way I am to love others by laying down my life for them. It is in a discipling-friendship that I experience being loved and then also having the opportunity to love another.

Friendship and Making Disciples 3

Posted on by

Many desire a “Jonathan and David” friendship but few are willing to pay the price. The starting point for such a friendship is a heart surrendered to the Lord. If I am not yielded to the will of God, not only will I have difficulty embracing God’s purpose for my own life, but I also open myself up to jealousy and envy, even with those to whom I am closest. Jonathan exhibits for us a heart that is surrendered to the purpose of God that resulted in his extraordinary friendship with David, in spite of their circumstances.

As Jonathan and David’s story unfolds we see deep into the heart of Jonathan. Jonathan was to be the king of Israel after his father Saul, but due to Saul’s stubbornness and disobedience, his family loss the right of succession. Jonathan’s loss of the throne was due to no fault of his own, and yet he is submissive to the purpose of God even though it means a lesser role for him. Not only was it a diminished role, but he submits himself to the very man who is to take his place on the throne.

And Saul’s son, Jonathan went to David at Horesh and helped him find strength in God. “Don’t be afraid,” he said. “My father Saul will not lay a hand on you. You will be king over Israel, and I will be second to you. Even my father Saul knows this.” (1 Samuel 23:16-18)

Jonathan had the freedom to love and serve David rather than consider him as a threat because he was surrendered to God’s purpose in all things. Viewing others from a surrendered heart removes all threat and gives me the opportunity and privilege to lay down my life for my friend, first out of my love for God but also out of love for my friend. Also, David could trust Jonathan because Jonathan’s surrendered heart would never allow him to thwart God’s plan. A surrendered heart finds joy in making others a success, no matter the cost.

Here are some final thoughts:

  1. Take an afternoon with the Lord to pray for your disciple/friend and seek what the Lord’s purpose maybe for your friend’s life. (Most people will never have anyone do this for them during their entire lifetime.)
  2. Communicate to your friend your belief that God has a purpose for his life and together seek out what that purpose may be.
  3. Ask the Lord to provide opportunities for you to serve your friend.
  4. Help your friend to recruit a team of people to prayer for their life’s purpose.

Friendship and Making Disciples 2

Posted on by

Making disciples and making friends requires an initiator. Jesus told his disciples that He had chosen them – they had not chosen Him.  It is life changing to be pursued by love, whether in romance, friendship, or discipleship.  As a discipler I do not wait for disciples to come to me, I pursue them.

Jonathan gives us a good example of taking the initiative in his friendship with David. Jonathan begins their relationship by drawing David into a love covenant with himself. “And Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself” (1 Samuel 18:3). To understand their friendship we need to be aware of how a covenant worked in the eastern world. A covenant was an agreement between two parties that set the conditions of the relationship. A covenant was not between equals; rather it followed the pattern common to the ancient near east treaties. The victorious king would set the terms of the covenant with the conquered people. The covenant implied relationship, promise, and expectation. At the beginning of their friendship, Jonathan, as the crowned prince, initiates the covenant with David who, at this point, makes no commitment to Jonathan.

Making disciples is a covenant friendship. In a discipling relationship the discipler takes the initiative to reach out to his disciple. In the beginning a discipler cannot expect a disciple to understand biblical friendship nor discipleship. My purpose is to be their guide as Jesus guided his disciples and Jonathan guided David.  Jonathan guides David for 13 years through his formative years in preparation for his life’s purpose to be the king. One example of this guidance is during a time when David discovered that King Saul was on his way to kill him. Jonathan found David and had him focus on the Lord, reminding David of God’s sovereignty and purpose in his life (1 Samuel 23:16-18).

Here are a couple of closing thoughts on being the initiator in a discipleship-friendship:

  1. Friendship is a learned skill. I teach my disciple how to receive friendship and how to be a friend.
  2. The pursuit of the friendship is an expression of love and value. The pursuit is a key component of the discipling process. Jonathan pursued David, Jesus chose his disciples, and Paul recruited Timothy.
  3. The pursuit takes time. I must continue the pursuit of the friendship until my disciple comes to the place of maturity and understanding where he can reciprocate in the friendship.  If I waited for my disciples to contact me after our first few meetings, I would have few disciples. The process takes months (sometimes years) rather than weeks. It is important to remember that Jonathan and David’s friendship covered 13 years, Jesus was with his disciples for 3 years, and Paul was with Timothy for 16 years.

Friendship and Making Disciples 1

Posted on by

To make a disciple is to make a friend. As Jesus disciples were His friends, so my disciples should be my friends. The inability to make friends means an inability to make disciples which in turn hinders the multiplication of the kingdom of God.

The Western world-view tends towards a homogeneous oneness which has shaped its view of friendship. We absorb from our culture that a friend should be our age, look like us, come from a similar social/economic background, and share in our interests. This concept is illustrated in the legendary television show Friends. The characters were all from the same race, age and background. This perspective not only narrows our prospects for friends but it also limits the extent of what a friendship could be.

As the flight attendant broadens our perspective by reminding us that the nearest emergency exit may be behind us, so I need to be reminded to widen my field of view in friendship to include people who are younger, older, or different than I am. The friendship of Jonathan and David serves as such a reminder.

Jonathan was the oldest son of Israels king Saul.He was the crowned prince and a distinguished warrior when he first met David, who was as 17 year old sheep herder. Jonathan lived in palaces while David slept in fields. Jonathan was the oldest son, David the youngest.Jonathan was married, and David single. Jonathan was respected while David had lived with ridicule from his family. Although setting dates in ancient history is difficult, we can approximate that Jonathan was 20 years older than David.

Jonathan is my hero. He lives counter to his surroundings and upbringing. His father was an angry, violent, irrational, and self-serving man. While his other siblings were products of their environment, Jonathan rises above the fray and gives us an example of what a Godly man and friend should be.

Here are some closing thoughts on friendship:

  1. Broaden your search for a friend. Your new friend may be 20 years older or 20 years younger than you are and not look anything like you.
  2. Friendships are made. You may have to teach your friend how to be a good friend just as Jonathan taught David.
  3. Read the story of Jonathan and Davids friendship (1 Samuel 18 through 2 Samuel 1) from the perspective of Jonathan being 20 years older than David and that their friendship covered 13 years.

Family and Making Disciples 2 – The Church: God’s Family

Posted on by

How I view God and His church (ekklesia) affects how I see myself, how I relate to others and how I relate to God. For all eternity, God is a Father, and Jesus is a Son. Therefore, family is an eternal concept based on the nature of God. The idea of family is not confined to man’s time on earth. As long as there has been God, there has been family and as long as there will be God, there will be family.

God the Father behaves like a father because he is a father. God’s father-heart moved Him to adopt us into His family even at the cost of the sacrifice of His own Son. Because of this adoption Jesus relates to us as our brother. The author of Hebrews tells us that: “Both the one who makes men holy and those who are made holy are of the same family. So Jesus is not ashamed to call them brothers. He says, ‘I will declare your name to my brothers; in the presence of the congregation I will sing your praises.’ For this reason he (Jesus) had to be made like his brothers in every way, in order that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in service to God, and that he might make atonement for the sins of the people” (Hebrews 2:11-17). My relationship to God is both as a child with his father and as a brother with a brother.

The apostle Paul views ekklesia as God’s family. In 1 Timothy 3:14-15 he writes: “…so that, if I am delayed, you will know how people ought to conduct themselves in God’s household, which is the church (ekklesia) of the living God, the pillar and foundation of the truth.” In Paul’s writings, his language of choice for what we would call “Christian(s)” is familiar language. He uses the word “brother(s)” 129 times – in contrast to his use of the word “saints” 29 times, and the word “believer(s)” 11 times. Paul never uses the term “Christian” or “disciple.”

Paul’s understanding of the Father nature of God and that the ekklesia is the family of God directed the way he ministered to others. In the city of Thessalonica Paul was like a mother and father to the disciples. He writes: “But we were gentle among you, like a mother caring for her little children. We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us…for you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into his kingdom and glory” (1 Thessalonians 2:7-12).

Making followers of Jesus cannot be separated from the family nature of God. As God the Father loved Jesus, and Jesus loved us, so in the same familiar manner we are to love one another. A parental sacrificial love for others is the catalytic force that will produce disciples of Jesus and advance the kingdom of God.