Category Archives: Discipleship

The Calling Out

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This past weekend was the “Calling Out” ceremony for my nephew. Sansui, my brother-in-law, is Nigerian and it is their tribal custom for the father, joined by the other men of the tribe, to “call out” a son from boyhood to manhood when he turns 13. It is a rite of passage of love, belonging, responsibility, accountability, and identity. Now living in the States Sansui has adapted the ceremony to include the significant men who make up their family’s American tribe. The men ranged in age from 83 down to 15.

The ceremony began with my nephew sitting among his peers wearing a colorful woven hat that identified the tribe to which he belongs. Sansui asked his son to rise and then in a loud voice called out his name inviting him to leave boyhood and to join the other men in the room to manhood.  My nephew acknowledged the call and expressed his desire to enter manhood.

He then moved to a designated seat where each man read to him a letter he had written concerning manhood and gave to him a gift that correlated to his letter.  The letters were autobiographical in nature drawing from the unique spiritual pilgrimage of each man. (Unexpectedly I was moved by what the 15-year-old men had to say.)  Woven together these letters made up a beautiful collection of wisdom, counsel, love, but also warning.

The clear messages from the 2-hour ceremony were: (1) you are loved and (2) you belong to us and we belong to you.

A couple of observations:

  • The “Calling Out” was initiated and led by a dad. It was a family event.
  • Although the ceremony was meaningful to my nephew, it also reinforced the importance of belonging for the adult participants. The older men were visibly moved as well as those still in their teens.
  • The ceremony made clear what in life is important and what is not.

 

 

 

 

Destructive Family Emotions

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The great test of faith for your disciple will be tied to the destructive emotions of his family. Extreme family emotions were the experience of many biblical characters- Abel, Jacob, Joseph, Moses, Jonathan, and David, to name a few.  Abel was murdered by his brother, Jacob tricked into an unwanted marriage by his father-in-law, Joseph’s brothers sold him as a slave, Moses’s brother and sister betrayed him, Jonathan’s dad tried to kill him, while David had a wife who despised him, a father-in-law intent on killing him, and even a son who tried to end his life.

In Hebrews chapter 11 these same characters are commended for their faith and given to us as role models to follow.  Here we have the convergence of God’s purpose, our faith, and the suffering we have experienced in our own families. Each of these individuals chose to trust in the father heart of God (Hebrews 12:4-11), in spite of their family’s behavior, which empowered them to patiently wait for the fulfillment of God’s plan, to forgive others, and to not take vengeance against those who had harmed them.

In closing:

  • The painful family experience of your disciple is not a disruption or hindrance in his life, rather it is a vital component of God’s purpose for him.
  •  The faith of your disciple will be seen in his willingness to forgive others and to not take revenge.

 

Destructive Emotions

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Downtown South Bend, Indiana is home to a manmade Kayak run. A couple friends and I “shot” the waterway in a rubber raft that ended with us getting caught in a whirlpool. After our futile attempts to escape the lifeguard finally had to throw us a rope to pull us free.

Many of those I have discipled have been caught in a whirlpool of grief at the realization that they will never have the childhood they dreamed of or the life they had planned. This grief, if not checked, will turn to bitterness and “bitterness is always an incentive to self-destruction.”[1] Whether at home, school, church, work, or in friendship no one is exempt from the destructive emotions of others and for most the deepest hurt will be connected to their family.

The life experience of Joseph in Genesis was no exception. At pivotal points there were people with destructive intent that would knock him back for years. As the apostle Paul had to remind his disciple Timothy of a proper perspective so too you will need to remind your disciple that his life is part of a larger divine purpose no matter how malicious his circumstances. Destructive emotions cannot be avoided and are a vital part of the redemptive story of God as it unfolds. The discipler throws a rope to his disciple by helping him “ . . . realize that a higher plan is a work which will supersede the destructive force of these emotions.”[2]

 

 

 

 


[1] Richard M. Weaver, “Ideas have Consequences”, (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1948), p. 185.

[2] Everett Fox, “The Five Books of Moses” (New York: Schocken Books, 1995), p. 173.

Suffer the Little Children

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How rare it was as children to have an adult seek to understand our suffering and to extend comfort to us. Although adults remember the pain from their childhood, they have a tendency not to appreciate the present suffering of the children who surround them. In his autobiography C.S. Lewis candidly tells of his many trials as a boy and then writes of his bewilderment at how adults fail to grasp the significance of the anguish of a child even though they themselves had experienced pain as children! He writes:

”Why, by the way, do some writers talk as if care and worry were the special characteristics of adult life? It appears to me that there is more atra cura (dark gloom, trouble, anxiety) in an average schoolboy’s week than in a grown man’s average year.”[1]

A pat on the head along with a “You’ll be OK” is not a Godly or thoughtful response to the pain a child is experiencing. (Obviously there are degrees of hardship in childhood and you must discern between what is true suffering and what is just a skinned knee.)

The Lord is no less involved in the life of a 6-year-old than he is in a 60-year-old. We are quick to give comfort, guidance, and counsel to adults who are suffering but give little reflection to the ways of God through suffering in the lives of boys and girls. The possibility that God and his purposes could be behind the heartbreak, sorrow, and despair of a child may not even cross our minds.

Some of the questions we should be asking are:

  • What is the Heavenly Father cultivating in the life of this child through suffering?
  • What is the Lord saying to this child through sorrow?
  • How is this trial affecting this child’s perspective of God?

 

 


[1] C.S. Lewis, “Surprised by Joy”, (New York: Inspiration Press, 1987), p. 50.

The Value of Children

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My ministry report for January 2013 includes the following:

I was in two sword fights, made a tent out of blankets, played “Star War Legos”, lost three games of “Sorry,” “Candyland,” and “Hedbanz,” and slid down a hill on an “American Flyer” way too fast, which ended poorly when my sled stopped suddenly and I did not, smashing my face against the ice. (My nose is still swollen.)

Why, you may ask, would a 55-year-old man play “Candyland” and sled down a hill on a bitterly cold day? It is because children matter to God. Of all my ministry activities this past month I believe that the events involving the children in my life were among the most significant.

I have often wondered what was going through the minds of disciples when they tried to keep the children away from Jesus. Did they think that Jesus couldn’t be bothered with children? Did they see the children as unimportant or a disruption to Jesus’ ministry?

Adults forget what it was like to be a child. C.S. Lewis said of adults, “They are forgetting what boyhood felt like from within.”[1] Who can forget the delight we had as children when adults showed an interest in us? The Clark children still talk of our fond memories of “Ice Cream Uncle Jim” who would give us as much ice cream as we could eat.

Jesus noticed children and showed an interest in them. My hunch is that the twelve disciples never saw children the same after being with Jesus.

In closing:

  •  Have your disciple share his memories of the adults who had a positive impact on his life as a child.
  •  Discuss with your disciple the children in his life (siblings, nieces, nephews, cousins, sons, daughters) and the spiritual investment he could make in their lives.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


[1] C.S. Lewis, “Surprised by Joy”, (New York: Inspiration Press, 1987), p. 36.

Living Near One Another

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Ed is a Jewish friend of mine here in Chicago. Often what to him is a simple side comment is a profound insight to me. Recently he said in passing, “It is unthinkable for a Jew not to live within walking distance of his community.” I stopped him and said, “Ed, wait a minute! What did you mean by that last statement?” He explained that in Judaism the value of community is expressed by a commitment to live within walking distance of one another. The children can play with one another, dads gather in the local park, and wives share a cup of coffee in one another’s kitchens.

Ed’s comment resonated with me because after being involved in disciple-making for 30 years I am convinced that living in close proximity is an essential element to making followers of Jesus. It is not enough just to have a weekly meeting together whether it is a church service, a one-on-one meeting, a small group meeting, or a house church. Living life together plays an indispensable role in making disciples because it is in the “doing life together” that your disciple has the opportunity to experience what it means to belong both in a nuclear family and a spiritual family.  You are also able to observe your disciple in various scenarios with different people and it gives him the opportunity to observe you among your family and friends.

Most anyone can sham love for a while whether in a service, a class, a small group meeting, or having coffee at Starbucks, but it is in the daily routine with our mates, children, siblings, parents, friends, co-workers, and neighbors where love engages with reality.  I am not advocating that Christianity should stop having services, bible studies, or small groups but I am seeking to raise our awareness to the importance of living in close proximity to one another in making followers of Jesus.

Jesus did not remove his twelve disciples from their hometown of Capernaum but rather he discipled them among their family and friends in the familiar context in which they had been raised.

 

Remedy for Shame

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Mrs. David (Madge) Wallace was the mother-in-law to President Harry S. Truman and as a friend described her “a prisoner of shame”. In 1903 her young, handsome, and prominent husband climbed into the family’s bathtub and shot himself. The humiliation was more than Madge could bear and she never fully recovered. Even Truman’s wife Bess did not want Harry to become involved in national politics fearing that journalists would find out about her father’s suicide.  Family status had quickly turned into their shame.

Man was not meant to live in shame. To follow Jesus is to leave the solitary confinement of shame in order to live in connection with God and others. Love embraces all of a person even his shame. It cannot pick and choose which parts to love and which to leave out. Anyone can love the good and attractive but it is only through the good news of redemption found in Jesus coupled with the empowerment of the Holy Spirit that we can love the undesirable in others.

Jesus went right to the shame of a person. Whether talking with the woman at the well who had gone through 5 divorces or having dinner with society’s outcasts, being tainted by another’s shame never seems to be a concern of Jesus. (More than once the question was raised about Jesus, “Doesn’t he realize what type of person she is and the things that she has done?”)

Your disciple will learn how to deal with his own shame and the shame of others by your love for him in spite of his shame. I believe that part of the reason why Peter did not take his own life after his betrayal of the Lord and why he was the first to run to the grave after the resurrection and why he dove out the boat to swim to Jesus on shore, was because Peter knew he could trust the heart of his friend after having witnessed for three years how Jesus loved, forgave, and kindly handled the shame of others.

 

 

A Prisoner of Shame

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Your disciple’s shame will become his connection point of love to others and the means for his role in the story and purpose of God. Neither he nor you can avoid the shame in his life if he is going to be a follower of Jesus.

Elizabeth knew shame. She and Zechariah could not have children, which in Judaism in 4 B.C. was shameful.  Society viewed the couple as under the probable judgment of God for some unknown sin, even if Zechariah was a priest.

Elisabeth called her barrenness my disgrace among the people (Luke 1:25). She was marked and knew that she could never really belong. Part of the sting of shame is the stigma that comes from people putting a question mark after your name. “I wonder why God is withholding His blessing from Elizabeth?” “They seem like such a nice couple, why is God not giving them a child?” That question mark distinguishes between “those who are in” and “me”.

Shame is lonely and there were aspects of her disgrace that not even her husband could enter into with her. Elizabeth was asking the questions over and over in her head: Why can’t I give my husband a child? Is Zechariah disappointed that he married me? Are there other ways I can please my husband so he won’t become disgruntled with me?

Shame had been Elizabeth’s constant companion and now hope was gone as she was beyond childbearing age. There was a helpless feeling knowing that there was nothing she could do about her shame. She couldn’t just “fix it.” Zechariah and Elizabeth were old and their hope was so cold that Zechariah did not believe the announcement foretelling the birth of John the Baptist as their son even though it came directly from Gabriel the archangel.

Looking back Elizabeth would understand that her shame was the doorway for her role in the purposes of God by giving birth to John who prepared the way for Jesus and who, according to Jesus, was one of the greatest men who had ever lived (Matthew 11:11), but I doubt she ever forgot the pain of her shame.

Shame is a part of your disciple’s life. The good news of Jesus does not circumvent shame but goes to the heart of it.  Jesus through his death and resurrection could take Peter’s shame of denying the Lord and transform him into a man of love and spiritual power to advance the Kingdom and purpose of God.

 

 

 

Crippling Shame

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Your disciple cannot follow Jesus if controlled by shame. Following Jesus is about belonging and nothing destroys belonging like shame. It is not an issue he can avoid nor will it just go away. It casts a long shadow so even shame from years ago he remembers as if it was yesterday.

Shame comes in various forms and degrees. Some shame is emotionally crippling while other shame has less consequence. There is shame he has brought on himself and shame that was not his fault.  Some was imagined while some was very real.

It could be shame associated with his family or the shame of a mental or physical limitation. A man with a learning disability said to me, Lewie, do you know how painful it is to feel dumb every day of your life? School for me was a walk of shame.

Whatever its source shame makes cowards of us all. It was R.G. Collingwood who wrote:

What a man is ashamed of is always at bottom himself; and he is ashamed of himself at bottom always for being afraid.[1]

Ministries have tried to accommodate people’s emotional fears by creating approaches, curriculum, and programs that limits relational risk for everyone involved, including the leader.  It gives the illusion of love and community but behind the façade there are not the bonds of trust necessary for authentic relationships.

Leading a small group, teaching a bible study, leading worship, and doing service projects can be done in emotional safety.  One can give the appearance of vulnerability but the test of vulnerability is in relationships. Recently I was with a friend who told me how her boss would display vulnerability behind a podium, but in a staff meeting or one-on-one he was anything but vulnerable.

Your disciple needs for you to place yourself in the vulnerable position to love him unconditionally. To place yourself in the vulnerable position of being the first to say,  “I love you.”[2]

 

 

 

 


[1] Collingwood, Robin G. Retrieved September 17, 2012, from http://www.quoteland.com

[2] Brown, Brene (2010, The Power of Vulnerability, Retrieved October 8, 2012, from http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4Qm9cGRub0)

 

Author Panel: Discipleship

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Today in our three-author panel, authors R. E. Clark, Paul Juby, and myself offer our thoughts on discipleship, practicing faith, and serving as missionaries. I’m excited to post the Missionary section below and hopefully begin a discussion among readers. Please leave comments below and visit the other two authors’ blogs to read through the rest of the panel.

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