Love Limits to Multiply

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To love requires time.  To disciple is to love, therefore disciple making necessitates time.  To make a disciple is to say, “I will spend time with you.” When Jesus said, “follow me” to each of his disciples, he was saying to him, “I want to spend extended time with you.” He who is too busy cannot love and therefore cannot make disciples.

Jesus chose to spend three years with his small band because he was not only going to instruct them about love but he was also going to cultivate the group so that they could experience what it is like to be part of a group that loves one another.  (Notice that others came to Jesus asking to be his disciple but he kept the number at twelve.)

Here in Chicago we pace our growth based on how many people we can disciple and on how many people we can love.  We are surrounded by millions of people and tremendous need so we must be extra careful not to “swamp” our canoe.  At the moment that a group has more people to disciple than there are disciplers they become “swamped.”    The same is true with love, when there are more people to love than our group can love effectively; once again we have allowed the boat to be “swamped”.  Once the group is “swamped” with too many people I am convinced that there is no effective way to “unswamp” the canoe.

Love Limits

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Love limits.  When a man says “I do” to his wife, he says “I don’t” to all other women and when a couple decides to have children they choose a lifestyle that is limiting in comparison to their childless friends.  Recently I attended my nephew’s wedding. Both sets of his grandparents are still living whose combined years of marriage is 114.  I was moved at the sight of a room full of their direct descendants who all love and enjoy one another. We willingly set margins around our family so that love will multiply to future generations. To neglect a marriage leads to divorce and to neglect a child results in a wounded person, which both break the love continuum.

Christianity accepts the setting of boundaries to effectively love our families but for some reason we do not apply that same principle to our ministries.  I can only love a limited number of people, so to choose a disciple making approach to ministry (which in a word is love) means to limit the number of people to whom I can minister.  To not limit the number of people in my ministry is to actually hinder the gospel multiplication process, but if I can remain disciplined and love my few disciples well, in the long run there will be a continual multiplication of love for generations to come.

Disciple Making and Children #2

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Recently I was with a Jewish couple that had converted from Judaism to Christianity.  One difficulty in the transition was the home life.   Judaism had provided for them a template for a Jewish home (e.g., keeping the Sabbath, Passover, and feasts, etc.), whereas Christianity gave them little help on what a Christian home should look like.  (Other than they were told to be sure and get their children into Sunday school and youth group.)  As Voddie Baucham points out, Christianity’s approach to ministry communicates to parents: “leave the spiritual training of your children to the professions.” [1]

God gave the Israelite parent the responsibility for the spiritual training of their child.  To be an Israelite meant to train children for a lifetime-not only were they expected to teach their own children but also their grandchildren.  “…teach them to your children and to their children after them.” (Deuteronomy 4:9-10)

Since God is familial (Father-Son-Holy Spirit) the best environment for a child to learn and experience the nature of God is in a family.  Are there benefits for a child in attending Sunday school, children’s ministry, vacation bible school, and youth group? Sure.  But the best context for him to experience sacrificial love, belonging, grace, and a servant’s heart is in a home.  Here, day after day, year after year, a child learns what it means to belong in a family just as the Father, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit are in perfect union.

[1] Voddie Baucham  http://media.sermonindex.net/15/SID15607.mp3

 

Disciple Making and Children #1

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Around 80% of the children who are raised in an evangelical church will leave Christianity at college [1].  If the number were 50% we should be concerned, but at 80% alarmed. Yet churches seem to be more concern about their numerical growth than they do about losing their own kids.  Churches spend thousands of dollars on church growth conferences, consultants, and materials searching for the key to their expansion, while spending comparatively few resources to help parents with their marriages or on how to disciple their children.

In many cases if a married couple volunteers for ministry in their church, they will be required to have some type of training and be under the apprenticeship of an experienced leader for a period of time.  But when a couple announces to that same church that they are expecting their first child they will given little or no training on how to raise that child.

There is something inconsistent about strategizing on how to reach our community and the world when we are unable to reach our own children.

[1] Glen Schultz, Kingdom Education; 2002 Southern Baptist Council on the Family.

 

Satan and Disciple Making #3: The Rite of Passage

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A satanic test of your disciple is a rite of passage for him into kingdom ministry.  Not only should you not be surprised by this rigorous test, but you should expect it and prepare your disciple for it.  Jesus was tested by Satan prior to his ministry and Peter was sifted by Satan ahead of him being used powerfully on the day of Pentecost.

Jesus passed all his tests, Peter did not, and yet even Peter’s failure was turned into success by the grace of God.  Paul tells us that a messenger of Satan had tormented him but his anguish was what allowed Christ’s power to rest on him. (2 Corinthians 12:7-9)

A couple of observations concerning satanic testing:

  1. The test is conducted in solitude.  Your disciple must go through the test alone.  Circumstances will be set so that he will be isolated during the test.  (Do not try and rescue your disciple from the testing or the isolation.  Not only is this not possible, but it is a necessary part of the rite of passage.)
  2. Your disciple will have a deep emotional response to the test.  He will be emotionally and physically drained.  “And he (Peter) went outside and wept bitterly.” (Matthew 26:75)
  3. Your responsibility is to frame for your disciple the satanic testing in the context of a rite of passage and then to point him to his kingdom ministry as Jesus did with Peter.  (John 21:15-19)

Satan and Disciple Making #2

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There are some things that are not explainable in the life of your disciple apart from a satanic influence.   Not only can you become frustrated or confused with your disciple’s behavior if you do not consider the possibility of Satan’s involvement but imagine the disillusionment of the disciple who has never been taught about Satan’s activity in his life.    Peter and Paul both warned the disciples not to be caught off guard by Satan. (1 Peter 5:8-9; Ephesians 6:10-11)

There comes a time in a disciple’s life when Satan tests him to destroy his faith.  For some the test was short but intense, as was Peter’s, for others it was over an extended period of time.  Some were young, some older.  In all cases, their faith was severely strained.  It is a frightening experience for him, his family, his friends, and you (!), wondering if he is going to pull through.

One clue to satanic involvement is contradictory behavior.   We have two examples of this paradox from the life of Peter.  The first is in Matthew 16 where Peter proclaims that Jesus is the Messiah because the Heavenly Father had revealed it to him, and then a short time later Satan speaks to Jesus through Peter trying to dissuade from his mission. (Matthew 16:15-23)

The second was on the night of Jesus’ crucifixion.  Peter passionately declares a loyalty to Jesus to the death, but hours later he publically betrays Jesus.  Both times Peter was unaware of Satan’s involvement in his thinking and actions, and in the second case he had even been specifically forewarned how Satan would test him.

A couple of closing thoughts:

  1. Pray for your disciple’s faith, as Jesus did for Peter. (Luke 22:32)
  2. Your disciple is probably unaware of Satan’s activity in his life.
  3. Ask yourself the question: “Could this present behavior and attitude in my disciple be due to satanic influence?”
  4. Frustration is an indicator of satanic involvement.  Your disciple’s frustration with his own behavior, as well as your own frustration with your disciple, is a sign that Satan may be at work.

Satan and Disciple Making #1

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Mentoring and discipling are not the same things.  The terms are not interchangeable.  Although disciple making, like mentoring, takes place in this world, it also engages a just as real spiritual dimension.  Paul writes:

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. (Ephesians 6:12)

You will encounter satanic activity in the life of your disciple.  If Jesus allowed Satan “to sift Peter as wheat” (Luke 22:31), what makes me think that Satan will not test my disciple?  (When I use the term “Satan”, I am not suggesting that your disciple will encounter Satan himself, as did Peter.  What I do mean is an encounter with evil spiritual beings that, along with Satan, make up the “dominion of darkness” (Colossians 1:13) and what Paul calls “spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” (Ephesians 6:12)

There are times when your disciple’s attitude and behavior can only be explained by the influence of an outside evil force.  I am not suggesting that every sin, every failure, or every attitude is linked to satanic activity, but we do need to be open to the possibility that evil beings may be at work in my disciple.

When Your Disciple Dramatically Fails #4

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The story of Peter’s denial and restoration is given a significant place in the biblical narrative.  It presents for us the forgiving nature of Jesus, even after being blatantly betrayed by a friend, and provides an example on how we are to relate to and forgive our own disciples.   We are even allowed to witness an intimate interchange between Jesus and Peter after his denial. (John 21:15-19)

Disciple making is a love relationship between a discipler and his disciple. Intimacy is formed between individuals by a familiarity with the deepest nature of one another.   Your disciple’s failure is an opportunity to bind your hearts together because it reveals his heart to you and your response to his failure reveals your heart to him.

In some cases the failure could have happened years ago, but his sharing of that failure with you is a significant event and should be handled carefully.   Shame has a long powerful grip; therefore it is important that you respond with tenderness, forgiveness, and affection.  He probably has had a hard time believing that he is forgiven by God or others and an even more difficult time forgiving himself.

I am able to forgive others not only because God has forgiven me through the death of Jesus, but because Jesus has paid for the sins of others that were committed against me.  (Jesus has paid the punishment for all your disciple’s sins, even the sins against you.)  John writes:

This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. (1 John 4:10-11)

The height of hypocrisy is to expect God and others to forgive me while I refuse to forgive others or myself.

When Your Disciple Dramatically Fails #3

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There is no simple formula for making disciples.  The Modern Western approach would like for you to think that to mix the right ingredients, at the right time, will result in a disciple.  I am humored at publishers trying to simplify the disciple making process into a step-by-step curriculum.  Disciples are made as a result of the triadic relational interaction between the disciple, discipler, and the Holy Spirit.  These relationships are complex, mysterious, and often risky; this is why many would rather choose a safe, non-relational approach to ministry.  Programs can be done without a relationship, disciple making cannot.

The bond of love between you and your disciple will not only draw you into his failures, but you may find yourself the object of his failure, even as Jesus was the object of Peter’s betrayal.  If Jesus’ disciples brought him pain, what makes me think that my disciples will not hurt me?  If Paul’s disciples brought anxiety and disappointment to his life, what makes me think that I will not experience the same questioning and betrayal?

Forgiveness is the nature of God and therefore an important lesson for your disciple to learn.    A disciple learns how to forgive by being forgiven by his discipler, just as Jesus forgave Peter after his very public failure.  (I can hear Jesus’ critics saying, “What kind of teacher is this Jesus guy anyway?  Look!  Even his own disciples have betrayed him!” ) To lay down your life for your disciple is to open yourself up to hurt, pain, and maybe even public ridicule.

Though we were an enemy of God, he took the initiative in seeking an adoptive relationship with us to become his children.  Paul writes: “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:6-8). Your disciple’s behavior may not deserve your love, but that is beside the point.  Love reaches out to her enemies and to those who betray her.

A couple of closing thoughts:

  1. Your forgiveness of your disciple is an opportunity for him to understand the forgiveness and love of God.
  2. You are able to forgive your disciple because Jesus paid for his sin on the cross.  (Even his sin against you.)
  3. To Parents.  Children are a disciple of their parents.  Your child will fail somewhere along the way and bring you heartache, disappointment, and possibly public shame.  You are to forgive as Jesus forgave Peter.  (Be aware.  Your other children are watching how you handle the failure of their siblings.)

When Your Disciple Dramatically Fails #2

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Making disciples requires patience.  Not only is the process slow but your disciple will have setbacks along the way.  Often these failures do not occur until months or even years into the relationship.  I find encouragement in the fact that Peter failed even after spending three years with Jesus.  Here he had received life giving instruction, he had experienced a selfless love, he had belonged to a dynamic community, he had tasted personal ministry successes, and he was an eyewitness to many miracles.  If anyone should have “known better” it was Peter.

A disciple’s failure is not a disruption to disciple making, rather it is a crucial part of the process.  The Holy Spirit puts together perfect circumstances with precise timing in order to test the faith of your disciple.  As Fenelon wrote over 300 years ago:  “God’s way accomplishes His purpose quicker than anything you could think of.  God is able to seek out and destroy the roots of self love.  You, on your own, could never find those hidden roots…” [1] A discipler joins the Holy Spirit during these tests to instruct and demonstrate the grace of God in order to strengthen the faith of his disciple.

Rather than disqualifying your disciple, his worst failure serves as a reference point for the grace of God throughout his life.   I doubt the sting of his denial of Jesus ever left Peter.   The grace of God does not erase the memories of our sin rather it uses memories to channel our thoughts and emotions to the love of God.  A disciple’s failure gives him a benchmark of the depth of the mercy God.  No matter how deep his failure the love of God goes even deeper.

It was out of his experience of failure and restoration that Peter could write 30 years later:

“…You may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials.  These have come so that your faith…may be proved genuine…” (1 Peter 1: 6 &7)

[1] Fenelon, Francois The Seeking Heart (Jacksonville: Christian Books Publishing House, 1992) p. 10.