Love Limits

Posted on August 26, 2010 by Lewie Clark

Love limits. When a man says “I do” to his wife, he says “I don’t” to all other women and when a couple decides to have children they choose a lifestyle that is limiting in comparison to their childless friends. Recently I attended my nephew’s wedding. Both sets of his grandparents are still living whose combined years of marriage is 114. I was moved at the sight of a room full of their direct descendants who all love and enjoy one another. We willingly set margins around our family so that love will multiply to future generations. To neglect a marriage leads to divorce and to neglect a child results in a wounded person, which both break the love continuum.

Christianity accepts the setting of boundaries to effectively love our families but for some reason we do not apply that same principle to our ministries. I can only love a limited number of people, so to choose a disciple making approach to ministry (which in a word is love) means to limit the number of people to whom I can minister. To not limit the number of people in my ministry is to actually hinder the gospel multiplication process, but if I can remain disciplined and love my few disciples well, in the long run there will be a continual multiplication of love for generations to come.

Disciple Making and Children #2

Posted on August 20, 2010 by Lewie Clark

Recently I was with a Jewish couple that had converted from Judaism to Christianity. One difficulty in the transition was the home life. Judaism had provided for them a template for a Jewish home (e.g., keeping the Sabbath, Passover, and feasts, etc.), whereas Christianity gave them little help on what a Christian home should look like. (Other than they were told to be sure and get their children into Sunday school and youth group.) As Voddie Baucham points out, Christianity’s approach to ministry communicates to parents: “leave the spiritual training of your children to the professions.” [1]

God gave the Israelite parent the responsibility for the spiritual training of their child. To be an Israelite meant to train children for a lifetime-not only were they expected to teach their own children but also their grandchildren. “…teach them to your children and to their children after them.” (Deuteronomy 4:9-10)

Since God is familial (Father-Son-Holy Spirit) the best environment for a child to learn and experience the nature of God is in a family. Are there benefits for a child in attending Sunday school, children’s ministry, vacation bible school, and youth group? Sure. But the best context for him to experience sacrificial love, belonging, grace, and a servant’s heart is in a home. Here, day after day, year after year, a child learns what it means to belong in a family just as the Father, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit are in perfect union.

[1] Voddie Baucham http://media.sermonindex.net/15/SID15607.mp3

Disciple Making and Children #1

Posted on August 11, 2010 by Lewie Clark

Around 80% of the children who are raised in an evangelical church will leave Christianity at college [1]. If the number were 50% we should be concerned, but at 80% alarmed. Yet churches seem to be more concern about their numerical growth than they do about losing their own kids. Churches spend thousands of dollars on church growth conferences, consultants, and materials searching for the key to their expansion, while spending comparatively few resources to help parents with their marriages or on how to disciple their children.

In many cases if a married couple volunteers for ministry in their church, they will be required to have some type of training and be under the apprenticeship of an experienced leader for a period of time. But when a couple announces to that same church that they are expecting their first child they will given little or no training on how to raise that child.

There is something inconsistent about strategizing on how to reach our community and the world when we are unable to reach our own children.

[1] Glen Schultz, Kingdom Education; 2002 Southern Baptist Council on the Family.

Satan and Disciple Making #3: The Rite of Passage

Posted on July 15, 2010 by Lewie Clark

A satanic test of your disciple is a rite of passage for him into kingdom ministry. Not only should you not be surprised by this rigorous test, but you should expect it and prepare your disciple for it. Jesus was tested by Satan prior to his ministry and Peter was sifted by Satan ahead of him being used powerfully on the day of Pentecost.

Jesus passed all his tests, Peter did not, and yet even Peter’s failure was turned into success by the grace of God. Paul tells us that a messenger of Satan had tormented him but his anguish was what allowed Christ’s power to rest on him. (2 Corinthians 12:7-9)

A couple of observations concerning satanic testing:

The test is conducted in solitude. Your disciple must go through the test alone. Circumstances will be set so that he will be isolated during the test. (Do not try and rescue your disciple from the testing or the isolation. Not only is this not possible, but it is a necessary part of the rite of passage.)
Your disciple will have a deep emotional response to the test. He will be emotionally and physically drained. “And he (Peter) went outside and wept bitterly.” (Matthew 26:75)
Your responsibility is to frame for your disciple the satanic testing in the context of a rite of passage and then to point him to his kingdom ministry as Jesus did with Peter. (John 21:15-19)

When Your Disciple Dramatically Fails #4

Posted on June 28, 2010 by Lewie Clark

The story of Peter’s denial and restoration is given a significant place in the biblical narrative. It presents for us the forgiving nature of Jesus, even after being blatantly betrayed by a friend, and provides an example on how we are to relate to and forgive our own disciples. We are even allowed to witness an intimate interchange between Jesus and Peter after his denial. (John 21:15-19)

Disciple making is a love relationship between a discipler and his disciple. Intimacy is formed between individuals by a familiarity with the deepest nature of one another. Your disciple’s failure is an opportunity to bind your hearts together because it reveals his heart to you and your response to his failure reveals your heart to him.

In some cases the failure could have happened years ago, but his sharing of that failure with you is a significant event and should be handled carefully. Shame has a long powerful grip; therefore it is important that you respond with tenderness, forgiveness, and affection. He probably has had a hard time believing that he is forgiven by God or others and an even more difficult time forgiving himself.

I am able to forgive others not only because God has forgiven me through the death of Jesus, but because Jesus has paid for the sins of others that were committed against me. (Jesus has paid the punishment for all your disciple’s sins, even the sins against you.) John writes:

This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. (1 John 4:10-11)

The height of hypocrisy is to expect God and others to forgive me while I refuse to forgive others or myself.

When Your Disciple Dramatically Fails #3

Posted on June 21, 2010 by Lewie Clark

There is no simple formula for making disciples. The Modern Western approach would like for you to think that to mix the right ingredients, at the right time, will result in a disciple. I am humored at publishers trying to simplify the disciple making process into a step-by-step curriculum. Disciples are made as a result of the triadic relational interaction between the disciple, discipler, and the Holy Spirit. These relationships are complex, mysterious, and often risky; this is why many would rather choose a safe, non-relational approach to ministry. Programs can be done without a relationship, disciple making cannot.

The bond of love between you and your disciple will not only draw you into his failures, but you may find yourself the object of his failure, even as Jesus was the object of Peter’s betrayal. If Jesus’ disciples brought him pain, what makes me think that my disciples will not hurt me? If Paul’s disciples brought anxiety and disappointment to his life, what makes me think that I will not experience the same questioning and betrayal?

Forgiveness is the nature of God and therefore an important lesson for your disciple to learn. A disciple learns how to forgive by being forgiven by his discipler, just as Jesus forgave Peter after his very public failure. (I can hear Jesus’ critics saying, “What kind of teacher is this Jesus guy anyway? Look! Even his own disciples have betrayed him!” ) To lay down your life for your disciple is to open yourself up to hurt, pain, and maybe even public ridicule.

Though we were an enemy of God, he took the initiative in seeking an adoptive relationship with us to become his children. Paul writes: “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:6-8). Your disciple’s behavior may not deserve your love, but that is beside the point. Love reaches out to her enemies and to those who betray her.

A couple of closing thoughts:

Your forgiveness of your disciple is an opportunity for him to understand the forgiveness and love of God.
You are able to forgive your disciple because Jesus paid for his sin on the cross. (Even his sin against you.)
To Parents. Children are a disciple of their parents. Your child will fail somewhere along the way and bring you heartache, disappointment, and possibly public shame. You are to forgive as Jesus forgave Peter. (Be aware. Your other children are watching how you handle the failure of their siblings.)

When Your Disciple Dramatically Fails #1

Posted on June 14, 2010 by Lewie Clark

You should not be surprised if or when your disciple dramatically fails. An intense test of a disciple’s faith is part of the disciple making process and personal failure is an element of that trial. Your proper response to his failure is important.

In Peter’s case the test came on his last night with Jesus after having been with him for nearly three years. Peter had a misplaced confidence in himself boldly stating that he would go to prison with Jesus or even die with him. People often underestimate the fault lines in their character as they overestimate the strong points of their personality. Little did Peter realize on that very night he would experience the shame of his greatest failure.

Jesus had warned Peter:

“Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.” But he replied, “Lord, I am ready to go with you to prison and to death.” Jesus answered, “I tell you, Peter, before the rooster crows today, you will deny three times that you know me.” (Luke 22:31-34)

Not only was Peter warned by Jesus about when the test would take place but he was also told how he would fail and still Peter walked right into the trap without realizing what he was doing until it was all over.

Jesus demonstrates with Peter how a discipler should extend grace and love to those who fail and betray. Personal failure provides an opportunity for the discipler to instruct and demonstrate for his disciple the mercy, acceptance, and love of God.

A couple of observations:

A momentary lapse in a disciple’s faith does not remove him from God’s faithfulness.
A disciple’s failure may be his rite of passage to kingdom ministry.
A disciple’s failure is not a reflection on you as a discipler, but your response to his failure is a test of your understanding of how to extend the love, forgiveness, and gospel of Jesus.

Generational Love

Posted on June 6, 2010 by Lewie Clark

Lois Synder died this year, she was 96. Mrs. Synder taught my 2^nd grade Sunday school class and directed our Christmas pageant each year at the Christian Fellowship Church. I attended her memorial service with my mom and dad in the same auditorium where in 1952 Lois had decided to follow Jesus. When the Synder family walked into the service that afternoon I was moved. Before us stood 3 generations who follow Jesus nearly 60 years after Lois’ conversion.

In the service family and friends shared their memories of Lois. It was in these stories that we discovered the reason why her family still follows Jesus today: Lois loved well. She so loved her children and grandchildren in their formative years that this love overflowed to her great grandchildren. Not only did Lois love her family, but each week she would load her car with teaching materials and go share the gospel with children living in the inner-city.

Lois’ seemingly endless ability to love others flowed from her understanding of God’s love for her grounded in the cross of Jesus. God’s love for me will not be found in my circumstances, my heritage, my abilities, or my position, rather it is anchored in the truth that Jesus died for me. “. . . God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8

God shows me how to love others in Jesus’ death for me. John writes: “This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. 1 John 3:16-17” Once I begin to grasp the depth of God’s love for me, I am then able to love others in sacrificing my life for them. It will cost me to love my mate, my children, my friends, and my disciples.

How silly a question it would seem if we could ask Lois today, “Was it worth it?” I can only imagine the joy in her heart in seeing 3 generations loving God and loving one another.

Measuring Results by Generations

Posted on June 1, 2010 by Lewie Clark

“Begin with the end in mind”[1], so says Stephen Covey. The end objective determines not only how I do something but also how long I will do it. To make a disciple of Jesus requires a loving relationship over an extended period of time. Disciple making thinks in terms of the impact that my life will have on the generations to come rather than just on immediate results.

A generational perspective comes from God. He instructed the Israelites to not only train their own children but also their grandchildren (Deuteronomy 4:9). In other words, an Israelite was expected to train children throughout his entire life. The Lord also warns the Israelites that their sin would cast a long family shadow darkening generations to come. Their behavior today would affect their children, their grandchildren, their great grandchildren, and even their great great grandchildren (Exodus 34:7).

In contrast, much of Christianity today values rapid multiplication and instantaneous movements. We view a rapid growing church as being blest by God. The faster the growth, the larger the numbers, the more blest by God, or so the reasoning goes. The 3000 converts after Peter’s message in Acts chapter 2 is a favorite proof text. This is why most church staff positions focus on the worship service as they seek to replicate a Pentecost type movement through what has been called “high impact services”. I visited a church this week that had four staff members whose jobs revolved around the Sunday morning service and yet their small group coordinator was a part-time volunteer. We revere the pastor or evangelist who is able to produce a Pentecost type stirring, notwithstanding the fact that not even Paul achieved comparable results.

Though spectacular, movements can lack the depth of relationship and character necessary to be sustained from one generation to the next. Generational sustainability necessitates a deep love and a sacrificial longevity that a rapid multiplication does not require. Only a sacrificial love is strong enough to bridge the generations.

[1] Covey, Stephen R. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People (New York: Simon and Schuster, 1989), p. 97.

Sin and Your Disciple

Posted on May 13, 2010 by Lewie Clark

Sin is the principal issue in your disciple’s life. Man was designed to love and to be loved, sin prevents both. It has estranged him from God and alienated him from others. It has opened his life to the dark force of shame; a shame that prevents him from drawing near to God and prohibits him from building authentic relationships. When man lives a detached existence his behavior becomes unstable, erratic, and often self-destructive as he explores ways to attach to others and to belong.

As a discipler, one of your first concerns should be to gain an understanding of your disciple’s perspective of his sin, the cross of Jesus, and his relationship to it. There are even those who grew up in Christian homes and gospel centered churches that have not been able to apply the gospel to their lives. Pride and disbelief will cause your disciple to make himself the exception to the rule by believing that he has sinned beyond the patience of God. He must humble himself and acknowledge that he can do nothing to pay for his sin. His forgiveness is a gift from God because of his mercy and love.

The truth of the good news of Jesus is best learned and experienced in the context of a loving relationship with a parent or a discipler. The parent/discipler provides an environment of love and forgiveness which illustrates the gospel for the disciple as he explores the gospel and applies its truth to his sin.