Author Archives: Lewie Clark

Another Way to Say “I Love You”

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To say, “I love you” without uniting it with gratitude is an incomplete expression of love for gratitude is what conveys value and honor to another. At the baptism of Jesus, the heavenly Father not only declared His love for His Son but He also expressed His pleasure in Jesus, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased” (Matthew 3:17). The Godhead loves one another and there is a spoken appreciation for one another.

The heavenly Father’s attitude of love and delight is not limited to Jesus but extends to all His children. John writes:

See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! 1 John 3:1

Since my heavenly Father places high value on His children so should I. To regard any of God’s children as unworthy of my notice or consideration is an affront to the Father who delights in each of His children.

In closing:

  • Your expression of gratitude to one of God’s children will not go unnoticed by the heavenly Father and it will bring him delight.
  • Verbally express your gratitude for your disciple to him.
  • As empowering as a word of gratitude is to person so the absence of gratitude is damaging.

 

 

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Expressing Gratitude to Your Disciple

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The gratitude of a discipler for his disciple is an essential part of disciple-making. Gratitude marked the apostle Paul’s relationship with his disciples as he enthusiastically told them of his appreciation. He wrote to the Thessalonians: How can we thank God enough for you in return for all the joy we have in the presence of our God because of you? (1 Thessalonians 3:9)

Gratitude is much more than a “thank you,” it is a statement of the value God places on an individual. Although the communication of gratitude does not increase the worth of a person, it does remind him (and you) of his value in God’s eyes.

This Thanksgiving:

1. Thank the Lord for your disciple. (Don’t hesitate to tell your disciple that you express thanks to the Lord for him.)

2. Tell your disciple that you are grateful the Lord has brought him into your life and give him the specific qualities in his life that are meaningful to you.

3. Express your gratitude for your disciple to others. (Notice how Paul writes to others of his gratitude for his disciples. 1 Corinthians 4:7; 2 Corinthians 7:14) Just recently a friend told me how thankful he was for his wife and so that evening I sent her an email to tell her how her husband honors her before others.

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Living Near One Another

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Ed is a Jewish friend of mine here in Chicago. Often what to him is a simple side comment is a profound insight to me. Recently he said in passing, “It is unthinkable for a Jew not to live within walking distance of his community.” I stopped him and said, “Ed, wait a minute! What did you mean by that last statement?” He explained that in Judaism the value of community is expressed by a commitment to live within walking distance of one another. The children can play with one another, dads gather in the local park, and wives share a cup of coffee in one another’s kitchens.

Ed’s comment resonated with me because after being involved in disciple-making for 30 years I am convinced that living in close proximity is an essential element to making followers of Jesus. It is not enough just to have a weekly meeting together whether it is a church service, a one-on-one meeting, a small group meeting, or a house church. Living life together plays an indispensable role in making disciples because it is in the “doing life together” that your disciple has the opportunity to experience what it means to belong both in a nuclear family and a spiritual family.  You are also able to observe your disciple in various scenarios with different people and it gives him the opportunity to observe you among your family and friends.

Most anyone can sham love for a while whether in a service, a class, a small group meeting, or having coffee at Starbucks, but it is in the daily routine with our mates, children, siblings, parents, friends, co-workers, and neighbors where love engages with reality.  I am not advocating that Christianity should stop having services, bible studies, or small groups but I am seeking to raise our awareness to the importance of living in close proximity to one another in making followers of Jesus.

Jesus did not remove his twelve disciples from their hometown of Capernaum but rather he discipled them among their family and friends in the familiar context in which they had been raised.

 

Remedy for Shame

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Mrs. David (Madge) Wallace was the mother-in-law to President Harry S. Truman and as a friend described her “a prisoner of shame”. In 1903 her young, handsome, and prominent husband climbed into the family’s bathtub and shot himself. The humiliation was more than Madge could bear and she never fully recovered. Even Truman’s wife Bess did not want Harry to become involved in national politics fearing that journalists would find out about her father’s suicide.  Family status had quickly turned into their shame.

Man was not meant to live in shame. To follow Jesus is to leave the solitary confinement of shame in order to live in connection with God and others. Love embraces all of a person even his shame. It cannot pick and choose which parts to love and which to leave out. Anyone can love the good and attractive but it is only through the good news of redemption found in Jesus coupled with the empowerment of the Holy Spirit that we can love the undesirable in others.

Jesus went right to the shame of a person. Whether talking with the woman at the well who had gone through 5 divorces or having dinner with society’s outcasts, being tainted by another’s shame never seems to be a concern of Jesus. (More than once the question was raised about Jesus, “Doesn’t he realize what type of person she is and the things that she has done?”)

Your disciple will learn how to deal with his own shame and the shame of others by your love for him in spite of his shame. I believe that part of the reason why Peter did not take his own life after his betrayal of the Lord and why he was the first to run to the grave after the resurrection and why he dove out the boat to swim to Jesus on shore, was because Peter knew he could trust the heart of his friend after having witnessed for three years how Jesus loved, forgave, and kindly handled the shame of others.

 

 

A Prisoner of Shame

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Your disciple’s shame will become his connection point of love to others and the means for his role in the story and purpose of God. Neither he nor you can avoid the shame in his life if he is going to be a follower of Jesus.

Elizabeth knew shame. She and Zechariah could not have children, which in Judaism in 4 B.C. was shameful.  Society viewed the couple as under the probable judgment of God for some unknown sin, even if Zechariah was a priest.

Elisabeth called her barrenness my disgrace among the people (Luke 1:25). She was marked and knew that she could never really belong. Part of the sting of shame is the stigma that comes from people putting a question mark after your name. “I wonder why God is withholding His blessing from Elizabeth?” “They seem like such a nice couple, why is God not giving them a child?” That question mark distinguishes between “those who are in” and “me”.

Shame is lonely and there were aspects of her disgrace that not even her husband could enter into with her. Elizabeth was asking the questions over and over in her head: Why can’t I give my husband a child? Is Zechariah disappointed that he married me? Are there other ways I can please my husband so he won’t become disgruntled with me?

Shame had been Elizabeth’s constant companion and now hope was gone as she was beyond childbearing age. There was a helpless feeling knowing that there was nothing she could do about her shame. She couldn’t just “fix it.” Zechariah and Elizabeth were old and their hope was so cold that Zechariah did not believe the announcement foretelling the birth of John the Baptist as their son even though it came directly from Gabriel the archangel.

Looking back Elizabeth would understand that her shame was the doorway for her role in the purposes of God by giving birth to John who prepared the way for Jesus and who, according to Jesus, was one of the greatest men who had ever lived (Matthew 11:11), but I doubt she ever forgot the pain of her shame.

Shame is a part of your disciple’s life. The good news of Jesus does not circumvent shame but goes to the heart of it.  Jesus through his death and resurrection could take Peter’s shame of denying the Lord and transform him into a man of love and spiritual power to advance the Kingdom and purpose of God.

 

 

 

Crippling Shame

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Your disciple cannot follow Jesus if controlled by shame. Following Jesus is about belonging and nothing destroys belonging like shame. It is not an issue he can avoid nor will it just go away. It casts a long shadow so even shame from years ago he remembers as if it was yesterday.

Shame comes in various forms and degrees. Some shame is emotionally crippling while other shame has less consequence. There is shame he has brought on himself and shame that was not his fault.  Some was imagined while some was very real.

It could be shame associated with his family or the shame of a mental or physical limitation. A man with a learning disability said to me, Lewie, do you know how painful it is to feel dumb every day of your life? School for me was a walk of shame.

Whatever its source shame makes cowards of us all. It was R.G. Collingwood who wrote:

What a man is ashamed of is always at bottom himself; and he is ashamed of himself at bottom always for being afraid.[1]

Ministries have tried to accommodate people’s emotional fears by creating approaches, curriculum, and programs that limits relational risk for everyone involved, including the leader.  It gives the illusion of love and community but behind the façade there are not the bonds of trust necessary for authentic relationships.

Leading a small group, teaching a bible study, leading worship, and doing service projects can be done in emotional safety.  One can give the appearance of vulnerability but the test of vulnerability is in relationships. Recently I was with a friend who told me how her boss would display vulnerability behind a podium, but in a staff meeting or one-on-one he was anything but vulnerable.

Your disciple needs for you to place yourself in the vulnerable position to love him unconditionally. To place yourself in the vulnerable position of being the first to say,  “I love you.”[2]

 

 

 

 


[1] Collingwood, Robin G. Retrieved September 17, 2012, from http://www.quoteland.com

[2] Brown, Brene (2010, The Power of Vulnerability, Retrieved October 8, 2012, from http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4Qm9cGRub0)

 

The Loneliness of Shame

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Shame has been defined as the fear of disconnection. Is there something about me that if other people knew I would not be able to be connected to them?[1] Shame is an obstacle to making followers of Jesus, because at its core disciple-making is a friendship so anything that obstructs a relational connection between a discipler and his disciple inhibits the transforming power of love.

Some shame is private that no one knows about but me, while my public shame everyone knows about. Although shame is a powerful dark emotion we all experience, it is a topic rarely addressed in Christianity. Unfortunately for some, even their Christian experience has reinforced their sense of shame driving them away from Christianity and towards those who accept them.

Love, contrary to shame, pursues. Your first step with a disciple is to pursue him. Pursuit is the shame buster. Just as Jesus chose his 12 disciples and Paul chose Timothy, it is important for you to take the initiative to pursue your disciple. This initial engagement is key because it establishes the tenor of your relationship and sets a trajectory for discipling relationships for generations to come.  On a side note, it is interesting that when people came to Jesus and asked to follow him he turned them away (Matt 8:19-22; Luke 9:57-62).

The good news of the kingdom is that the Father pursued man and adopted him into the family of God.  As I pursue a disciple I am demonstrating to him and the world the pursuing love of God in the cross of Jesus.

Recently I was at a gathering where several disciples shared their stories.  A recurring theme was the life change as a result of being loved by their discipler.  Not only will your disciple never forget being pursued by you, it will serve as a point of reference for the rest of his life.  Because he has experienced the love of being pursued, he will also pursue others.

 


[1] Brown, Brene (2010, The Power of Vulnerability, Retrieved September 14, 2012, from http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4Qm9cGRub0)

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Author Panel: Discipleship

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Today in our three-author panel, authors R. E. Clark, Paul Juby, and myself offer our thoughts on discipleship, practicing faith, and serving as missionaries. I’m excited to post the Missionary section below and hopefully begin a discussion among readers. Please leave comments below and visit the other two authors’ blogs to read through the rest of the panel.

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Companionship and Learning Builds the Church – Not the Other Way Around

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My greatest desire currently is to see the Kingdom of God engage with Chicago – our hometown. This will only happen by way of the followers of Jesus loving one another.  Although loving one another may seem like an inward focus, it is in reality an outward connection point with society.

Jesus addresses this kingdom principle twice. First he tells his disciples that everyone will know that they are his disciples by their love for one another (John 13:34-35). Then, later in the same evening, Jesus prayed for his disciples, “May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even you have loved me” John 17.23). In other words, our unity is a testimony to the culture that the Father sent Jesus into the world and that the Father loves his children.

Christianity has tried many approaches to engage society. We have retooled our church services to be more relevant, served the city through community projects; we have become involved in politics and launched media campaigns. Though I do not question the sincerity behind these efforts, I have wondered about their effectiveness.

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Finding the God-Link to Personal Experience

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My semi-annual cancer checkup was this month. Although my surgery was three years ago, I still experience a twinge of dread each time I walk into the doors of the Northwestern Memorial Hospital. I flashback to the emotions I felt when the words “unfortunately, Mr. Clark” came out of my doctor’s mouth in 2009.

Though we resist it, suffering is both the means of making disciples and the qualifier of disciplers. Remember what Paul wrote in 2 Corinthians 1:6?

“If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation: if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer.”

The kingdom of God advances through our sufferings. This began with Jesus himself and continues through us.

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