Tag Archives: Disciple

How I View My Disciple #4

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Each Tuesday evening our group of disciples has dinner together to celebrate the Lord’s Supper. This past week during our table discussion there was a frank honesty about our childhoods and how each of us had felt like we had not belonged anywhere while growing up. We had lived a detached existence.

Making followers of Jesus must be done in a group. A large part of the disciple making process is accomplished through my disciple learning how to interrelate with his brothers and sisters in the family of God.  I have wondered how much of Jesus’ training of the twelve was achieved through the disciples learning how to live together for three years vs. the “classroom” instruction of Jesus. I have also wondered how much of the teaching of Jesus flowed out of the conflicts between the disciples not too dissimilar from a parent using sibling discord as a teaching moment for his children.

The essence of our God is the familial interconnectedness of the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit. Their identity is found in the eternal love bond to the other persons of the Godhead. Because we are created in the image of God a disciple can only come to understand his identity and purpose by integrating into a family context with his heavenly Father and his spiritual siblings. In contrast, our culture pushes him toward individualism and independence, which can only lead to confusion and ultimately self-destruction.

Just as a my disciple cannot know himself or understand his giftedness apart from being in this family context, so I cannot know my disciple apart from seeing him interact with his spiritual siblings.  His relationship with God is not visible to me which means he can deceive me into thinking he has a good relationship with God when in reality he may not.  One way I can get a glimpse into my disciple’s relationship with the heavenly Father is through seeing how he relates to others and how others relate to him.

How I View My Disciple #3

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It is natural in a western culture to acquire a franchise mentality towards making disciples of Jesus.  It is an approach that works well to expand Starbucks or McDonalds because standardization guarantees a consistent product and easy replication, but it does not transfer over to kingdom growth.

A franchise has stringent procedures to follow with little consideration for the employee. Everyone must fit into the model, no matter his or her gifting, to insure the uniformity between the Starbucks in Salina, Kansas with the one in Frankfurt, Germany. (You will not find a Starbucks barista using her ingenuity to create a new drink for a customer.) There is even a uniformity of appearance that cloaks the personality, talent, ethnicity, gender, and age of the employee. We are all familiar with the Starbucks black hat and green apron but not with the people inside those uniforms.

In contrast, disciples of Jesus are best made in a family approach because they are the children of God and each child has a distinct relationship with the heavenly Father. The psalmist writes of this intimacy between Father and child in Psalm 139:13-15:

For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well;
my frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

Since God is creatively involved in the uniqueness of each of His children it would seem advantageous for me to be intentional in discovering the beauty of the distinctiveness of my disciple.  Most of us have felt the pressure from others to be someone we are not or to do something we were not gifted to do. (In my own experience this feeling comes very close to that of rejection.) One way to love and empower your disciple is to intently listen to him to uncover the artwork of God in his inner man.

How I View My Disciple #2

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The kingdom of God multiplies by disciples of Jesus making disciples. Jesus used a seed as a picture of how his kingdom expands. Different types of seeds multiply in different ways.  A strawberry has 200 seeds but a cherry only one. The strawberry has a fast germination each season whereas a cherry pit takes 6 years before it will produce fruit. Although the strawberry plant quickly produces many berries and thousands of seeds it has a short lifespan whereas the cherry tree will produce fruit for many years. The point is not that one seed is better than the other but that they multiply differently.

I have made disciples long enough now to observe their multiplication patterns. Scott makes disciples like strawberries. The Holy Spirit has gifted him to be able to make many disciples quickly but effectively. Dave on the other hand is more like a cherry. He has only a few men but years later his men have proven to be fruitful.

Love should empower me to allow my disciple to be who the Lord intended him to be and deter me from trying to conform him into a type of multiplier that I think is best. It is God who has made my disciple so I had better align myself with the Lord’s purpose for him rather than my ideas.

How To View Your Disciple

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How I view my disciple has a powerful effect upon him. It is impossible to hide from another what I truly think about him. A channel of subliminal communication between my inner man and the hearts of others transmits my true thoughts and feelings no matter how hard I try and conceal them.

My disciple is a child of God who is the apple of His Father’s eye so my view of him and care for him should be such that it pleases his heavenly Father. Even how I speak of him to others is important because God is listening in on all my conversations. One way for me to express love to God is to love and honor His child.

Between the Borst and Quigley families there are six young children in our group in Chicago. This was their first week of school so at our family gathering we prayed for each child by name asking the Lord to bless them and protect them this school year. Now I am not sure in ten years that any of the children will remember that we prayed for them last night but I doubt their parents will ever forget that moment. Matt and Stacey Borst, Jeremy and Julia Quigley all love their children and one way to love them is to love their children. Recently Matt told me that nothing gets to his heart as a dad than for someone to love his kids.

I am sure that the heavenly Father’s heart swelled with delight when Paul told his disciples in Thessalonica: “For what is our hope, our joy, or the crown in which we will glory in the presence of our Lord Jesus when he comes? Is it not you? Indeed, you are our glory and joy” (1 Thessalonians 2:19).

“How can we thank God enough for you in return for all the joy we have in the presence of our God because of you” (1 Thessalonians 3:9).

 

Why Disciples Don’t Grow

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The environment I create in which to make disciples has a greater “formative power” over my disciple than what I say or teach. Although addressing academics, I believe Parker Palmer exposes why our homes, churches, and ministries fail at making disciples of Jesus:

What do students consistently learn that you never intended to teach? . . .the whole culture of the academic community with its systems of rewards and punishments . . . [and its] rules and relationships. . .comprise of a ‘hidden curriculum’ which [has a] greater formative power over the lives of learners than the advertised curriculum.

I am presently evaluating our ministry in Chicago searching for “hidden criteria” or “hidden agendas” that send a double message, which confuses my disciple and invalidates my discipling efforts. The temptation for me is to deflect the responsibility for my disciple’s lack of spiritual growth on him when in fact I may be the problem due to the means by which I am discipling him. I will naturally create an environment that is comfortable for me, catering to my strengths and avoiding my weaknesses, which is great for me but a detriment for my disciple.

One example of this is the time that I had gathered a group together to study the bible as a means to make disciples. Most of the people were growing and enjoying the study but some were not. I assigned the blame for those not maturing on them. My reasoning was, “Others in the group are appreciative and growing, so you must be the problem.” It was not until after I had discovered that two in the group had learning disabilities that I realized that I had made spiritual growth inaccessible to them. (In their mind God was inaccessible to them.) I had told the group that this was a safe place to become a follower of Jesus but then chose a means that excluded those who were dyslexic. I had sent the wrong message not through my words but through my means that if they read well, remembered the information, stimulated by the content, and could contribute to the discussion that they were a follower of Jesus.

In closing,

  • If your disciple is not growing, evaluate your approach with him or her. One approach does not fit all.
  • Look at your discipling environments from the perspective of each disciple. How would an introvert feel with what I am doing? What about an international student? Large group settings stimulate some while others are uncomfortable with more than six people.
  • Gather input from your disciples on what they are experiencing from the environment that you have created. Listen especially to those who seem uncomfortable or not growing.
  • Evaluate your successes. Often ministries give credit to the wrong thing for their success.  For example, usually disciples will list their relationship with their discipler as the reason for their growth, not bible studies, teaching, or group time.

Redeeming the Past #2

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How your disciple remembers his past is more important than the actual events. He has a personal agenda, which not only determines how he will remember the past but also what he will remember from his past. He chooses which events to recall and which ones to forget, no matter how significant or insignificant the event may have been, in order to accomplish his aim. Israel conveniently forgets the parting of the Red Sea, one of the greatest miracles in the Bible, in their argument that God had neglected them; in contrast your disciple will harbor the hurt from a minuscule event such as of an unreturned text message from three years ago if it will serve his purpose.

The Godly characters from the Old Testament give us examples on how to remember the past. Although the facts of Joseph’s enslavement could not be change, he did have a choice in how he would remember his brothers selling him into slavery. The lens of doubt would have led him to despair, hatred, manipulation, and revenge whereas the lens of trust in the character of God led Joseph to peace, love, leadership, and forgiveness. Joseph was convinced that there was a larger purpose behind the betrayal by his brothers and his imprisonment. He did not seek to revenge the past nor change the events from his past but rather he placed them in the larger sequence of the purposeful sovereign acts of a loving God.

Once I had a disciple who sought to hold God hostage in order to manipulate him to change what had happened in his past. Though God redeems the past he does not change it and so he placed his relationship with God in an irreconcilable position. He had created a scenario where the only way his relationship with God could be restored is if God would change the events of his past. This position forced him to daily relive the pain of his past through the gate of his memory, which only increased his bitterness.

A couple of ideas in closing:

  1. We give an entire evening to each person being discipled to share his story with the whole group. Here different spiritual gifts can detect how the disciple remembers his past as well as discern what God’s purpose may be for his life.
  2. A priority for our ministry is to take the opportunity to meet the parents, siblings, and friends of each disciple to gain a complete perspective of his past.
  3. Help your disciple to look at his memories from the perspective of the sovereign purpose of God for his life.

Redeeming Memories

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The identity of your disciple is shaped by his memories. To understand him and his behavior you will need to become familiar with these memories. A way to explore both his good and painful memories is for the two of you together to develop a timeline of his life. This needs to be done in a context of trust because he will feel vulnerable as he discloses both his cherished and wounding memories. (It is hurtful for a cherished memory not to be valued by another.)

Your disciple’s memories may be distorted so it is important to discern how he remembers his past, whether accurate or inaccurate, because how he remembers events and people affects his behavior today. For example, he may remember his second grade teacher as not liking him because she placed him in “time out” over a minor playground incident, when in reality she may have been an excellent teacher, but what he will carry with him into adulthood is the inaccurate memory of “mean” Miss Crump. I have also had a disciple remember his family as “wonderful” but in reality it was dysfunctional, while still another presented his family as a bad experience but in actuality it was a loving home.

Israel’s fear distorted their memory of Egypt and the Exodus. They remembered things how they wanted them to be remembered in order to justify their actions:

The Israelites said to them, ‘If only we had died by the LORD’s hand in Egypt! There we sat around pots of meat and ate all the food we wanted, but you have brought us out into this desert to starve this entire assembly to death.’  (Exodus 16:3)

Israel remembered how wonderful Egypt was but in actuality they had been miserable. Moses corrected Israel’s memory with the truth of their past so that they could rightly live in the future.

A couple things to keep in mind:

  1. When exploring his memories your disciple will be dealing with powerful emotions so expect contradictions and illogical conclusions, this is part of the memory correcting process.
  2. Remembering the past will take months for your disciple to process.
  3. The more painful his past the more resistance he will be to drawing up memories.
  4. Talk to your disciple’s family and friends to get an accurate view of the history of his life.

Forgiving God #2

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Your disciple is not the first child of God to encounter unfair circumstances in his youth. Joseph, David, and Daniel all faced unjust situations as teens. Rather than becoming bitter towards God, by faith they embraced the goodness, love, power, and faithfulness of God in spite of their circumstances. (As I have written in other places, I believe God expects much from teenagers and often requires of them a faith that not even their parents understand.)

Recorded for us in Daniel Chapter 2 is a prayer Daniel prayed as a teenager. This prayer gives us insight into his deep trust in the nature and ways of God even though he was young and in the middle of life threatening conditions.

Praise be to the name of God for ever and ever; wisdom and power are his.
He changes times and seasons; he deposes kings and raises up others.
He gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to the discerning.
He reveals deep and hidden things; he knows what lies in darkness,
and light dwells with him. (Daniel 2:20-22)

Here is how I approach bitterness with my disciple:

  1. Use the lives of Joseph, David, and Daniel as a backdrop to talk through with your disciple his history to help him understand that God’s wisdom and grace takes this history, no matter how painful or unjust, and uses it for His glory and the fulfillment of His purpose.
  2. Exhort your disciple to release God and others from his bitterness. There is no justification for the behavior of Joseph’s brothers toward him, but through the lens of faith Joseph was able to forgive and embrace his brothers and not hold their actions against them. (As Anne Lamott has said, “Not forgiving is like swallowing rat poison and waiting for the rat to die.” [1])
  3. Bitterness, ingratitude, and discontentment are related and your disciple can counter these with thanksgiving. Have your disciple write out his points of bitterness (both circumstances and individuals) and then have him thank God for each of the situations.
  4. The best dad, mom, siblings, education, body, brain, etc. for him to have are the ones he has.

[1] Anne Lamott, “Bird by Bird”, (New York: Pantheon Books, 1994)

Forgiving God #1

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Early on you may need to teach your disciple how to forgive God. I am not suggesting that God has ever done anything wrong to anyone. I understand the absurdity of a man forgiving God, but what I am suggesting is that your disciple may be bitter at the Lord, though unfairly, just as he would be at any person.

Man holds captive those who have wronged him in a debtor’s prison in his heart because he believes they “owe” him something.  He will even say, “They owe me an apology.”  He convinces himself that it would be “unjust” to forgive them for what they have done to him, or his family, or his friend.

As futile as it is for a human to try to hold God hostage in his tiny heart and tiny mind he still attempts it. He seeks revenge against the Lord so he withdraws relationally from him.  It maybe never going to church again, or to behave in a way that he believes is especially defiant in order to get the Lord’s attention, even though it is self-destructive. Not too different from what Harry Emerson Fosdick has said, “Hating people is like burning down your own house to get rid of a rat.”

Bitter at God #3

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The absence of prayer and meditation on the Word of God in the life of your disciple is an indicator that he may be bitter at the Lord.  The lack of a quiet time is not a discipline issue but a relational one.

Our ministry has many young adults, which means a lot of dating. I am humored at how the same young man who struggles to find time for devotions will discover plenty of time for his new girlfriend. What motivates these couples to make time for one another is not a newfound discipline but love. We spend time with those we love and we make time to do the things that we love.

Man is created in the image of God and therefore we relate to him in a similar way that we do with our fellow humans. As we withdraw emotionally from those who have wronged or disappointed us so we withhold our hearts from the Lord when disillusioned with him. We are usually ill at ease around those who have hurt us and so it is awkward to spend time in prayer with the God whom we believe has let us down.

In closing:

  • The type of people with whom your disciple spends his time is an indicator of his heart condition. Bitter people usually do not spend time with Godly people.
  • Help your disciple understand that his relationship with the Lord is love centered and not just a discipline.
  • When your disciple is struggling with prayer and time meditating on the Bible check to see if he may be disappointed with some circumstance of his life that he has carried over into his relationship with the Lord.